You still suck.  I still suck.
Now lets go play.

For the Players, By the Players, About the Players...

Monday October 20th, 2014 7:41 pm
Oh, the agony...
After watching the Professionals skate at the godly hour of 5:30 to a zero/zero tie, we barely had the time and inclination (or stomach) to watch the Legends play.... we sucked it up and stuck it out.

But, we don’t know where to begin... should we talk about the SHALLACKING the Saints gave to the Stingers by a score of 7-0!   Or should we discuss the shocking Toros’ shootout victory over the powerful Whalers, or should we talk of the fact the Crusaders continue to slide and/or why the Beeber has been held scoreless for the 2nd or 3rd or however many weeks in a row.

Lets start with the first game of the night... the Sharks scoring in the shootout for a victory of the floormat Crusaders.  Wait, was that Fire Marshall Bill scoring the game winner?, or was it somebody wearing his shirt?  Who knows, but besides the overtime goal, nobody actually realized that FMB was skating last night. 

But where was Mr. Beeber?  We think we saw him and his hair flailing around the ice, or was that Repunzel?  Nah, she wouldn’t be that foolish.  Nonetheless, the Beebs has not been heard from in a shit long time.... and yet the men in purple still seem to struggle.  Ok, enuff about him... lets see who else has SUCKED on the team.... there’s Big Jim who hasn’t done anything since the Space Shuttle was cancelled.  He shoulda stayed retired.  Not doing anybody any good being out there.
Wait, what about Ron Jeremy?  Sure, he’s got a couple of points but does anyone else think that the old porno star is ready for the Relics?  Not sure, but we’ll have to wait and see.
Oh, and then there’s Burkey... poor bastard.  He has to put up with all these “characters”.  Sure wish he had a good cast behind him... he certainly deserves it.  Hey, maybe look for a trade to the Sharks? 
Wait again... didn’t they just get some new players?  Let’s see: there’s Carrigggggg, Hernan, Read, Cleaves, Harrington. 
If it wasn’t for another fat-white-guy this group should be on a milk carton, right next to Beeber.  (all comes back to you, doesn’t it).  =
Anyway, the Crusaders are trying.   But won’t win anything too soon with this cast.

The Sharks look good... well, except the goalie.  Maybe Sponge Bob Square Pants was right... take a shot at your own goalie to make sure he/she is awake. 
The DA had a nice roofer and we already gave FMB his press.  We’re done.

Next game saw the Toro’s skate to a shootout victory over the mighty Whalers.  This was a key victory for the Bulls as they haven’t had a good game and victory since Beeber, oh well, you know where I was going with this...

Lastly the sleeping Saints finally woke up, by beating the comatose Stingers 7-0!  Yup SEVEN TO NOTHIN!


So, what the hell has happened to this site????

Well, the editors have been locked up and they took away their keyboards and have restricted their phone calls to once a day...

Quick recap of last nights games....

The Relics were exciting as usual.  The highlight of the night was when one of the Twins snapped off a great shot from the corner only to hit Captain O in the nuts!  Play kept going, but certainly Captain O was down and out.

The guys in blue spanked whitey.

The Relics are the place to be... no physical play, no hacks (are you reading this Fuzzy?), no BS (how bout you Beebe?)
discussing the progress after 6 weeks, the news in the locker rooms give all indications that this is the best thing since, well, the Relics started. 

Plans are to expand the league in a year.

Now onto the Legends, I mean Hack League.  Boy, the games we witnessed last night had a tremendous amount of physical play it no wonder the phones in the Relics Office are ringing off the hook!  Yup, its true!

The Crusaders lost again;  Beeber didn’t get a point again;  the Saints won;  The Whalers and Sharks got into an extremely physical match which the Whales won.  Boy, the Relics are lookin better all the time.

More later...

Relics are up and running.... Strong!
2nd week saw ex-Whaler Lanky score a hat trick!  Yup, who’s ya daddy now!
And, for the second game in a row, Jacobson has had a penalty shot AND HAS YET TO SCORE!.  Yikes, is there a slower league?
Nonetheless, the Relics are the place to be.

Our 2 lady refs are doing Great, the lady scorekeeper is Great.  Who said Hockey couldn’t be that much fun again?!!!

Special thanks for their help goes out to the King and Fire Marshall Bill... they really helped get this thing going.

Now for some real hockey... well just a bit.
Legends season has taken off as well.  We see the pre-season favorite Whalers kicking some real ass in their first 3 games.   The Champion Stingers are not far behind in the standings, but light years away comparing apples and apples.   Should be a good game whenever they meet.

The Sharks and Crusaders are filling out the middle of the pack while the Toros and Stingers are pulling up the rear.

Still too early to tell what the hell is going to happen.

This past week we saw the Whalers spank the Toros 5-1.  Wasn’t even close.  We saw Chucky score 2 unassisted goals.  Seems the Whales are prepping early for their run for the Championship.

The Crusaders and Sharks skated to a 1-1 tie, but that wasn’t where the excitement was... seems the game was a bit chippy as there were a shitload of physical penalties... even Burkey got a slashing penalty!  Geez....

Lastly, the Saints and the Stingers played the West Coast game and the Stingers pulled this one out 3-1.  Nothing worth noting but that Hacksaw picked up another one of his All Time League Leading penalties.



Lets pause for a moment and focus on what is really going on...    RelicsHockey.com

The RELICS are alive and well in the world of hockey.  Yup, on September 7th at 5:30 pm the newly formed Relics Hockey League will begin.  And to make things even better, the owners have secured Boston Bruins’ own RENE RANCOURT to sing the US National Anthem!  But wait, that’s not all!!!!!.... they have also secured one of the original Big Bad Bruins of the 70’s DEREK SANDERSON to be on hand to drop the first puck!

Yup, this league will now be the place to be!

Stop by at the rink on September 7th at 5:00 or so to meet and greet RENE and DEREK.  Don’t forget to bring your cameras and you can also stick around to see a great hockey game afterwards!



Thursday August 14th, 2014 10:45 am
Let the Games Begin!
The Winter season has begun... and already there are shocking results!
The pre-season favorites Sharks/Mantas/Kings-Old-Team got shallacked by the new and improved Saints, 5-2.  It wasn’t even that close.

Before I begin, I want to point out a very interesting and noteworthy fact... Mr. “I got traded 14 times before the season” Krall was the only shining star as he got traded back to the Sharks and was instrumental in both points the Sharks put up on the board with a goal and assist.  Hmmm, I guess he won’t be going anywhere soon, eh?

Now back to the game.  The Saints, missing their Captain Roachy who was away on some honeymoon or something, got off fast in this one and just never looked back.  Now, some can say that they pounced on the Sharks and some can say that the Sharks goalie sucked, but we will leave it up to your own interpretation... Dr. Who didn’t turn up for this game in net is our take.

Oh, a funny thing happened after the final Saints goal... let me play this out for you (and Flower Boy... let me know if I have this rght)... I guess the final goal was Dr. Who’s fault.... (who knows really... isn’t this league about having fun and not really about the fact that some of us suck?  Anyway, on the ensuing faceoff The Commish won the faceoff (friggin’ doesn’t he always) go the puck back to Mini-Me, aka Sponge Bob Square Pants, who in turn turned around and shot at his own goalie!!!!!  Yup!  We all thought this was not only weird but well, weird.  WTF?
It seems that Sponge Bob Square Pants was pissed off that Dr. Who let in another goal... but really did he?, or was it the shoddy defense of SBSP?  (sorry, just tired of typing Sponge Bob Square Pants).  Nonetheless, the players and fans AND refs were all in shock.  Seems SBSP is taking the Legends league a bit too serious right now... wonder if he is ready for the Relics?   Do we have another “Beeber” on our hands?  We’ll see as the season plays out!

Anyway, the Saints looked good and the Sharks didn’t.

Can’t wait for the other games to start!


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