Saturday, April 19th, 6:53 pm
Wow, the season is one week from ending. How many seasons have you played? Are you better now? Bet you have more friends, and in some cases (get it, cases) experienced beverages you never would have!!!
Let’s get to the power rankings, but with the season all but done, a few teams are better than their record, and some not as good as their wins.
1.Stingers – enjoy this ranking, but look over your shoulder, someone has your number!
2.Saints – surprise here, with the team back to full strength, they seem to dominate better teams.
3.Whalers – your great goalie seems to be letting pucks in the net the last few weeks, but he is still the backbone of your team.
4.Sharks – when was the last time you controlled a game? Getting goals helps, but when have you dominated a game?
5.Crusaders – everyone knows to take on Beeber, when will the rest of the team wake up?
6.Toro’s- How many guys are going to the Relics?
Playoff’s, who plays who? The Whalers can decide to face the Stingers by laying down. This will leave the Crusaders and Sharks to play a game just to test the other!! But, if the Whalers win, they would have to face the Crusaders or Sharks. So, want are the Whalers to do?
This week’s games:
Toros vs. Whalers – Just a fun game to watch, do the Whalers care? Pick’em
Stingers vs. Saints – Look for the Saints to find the guys to punished them the last time these teams collided. Pick’em
Crusaders vs. Sharks – neither team wants to win if the Whalers lose; neither wants to show the other how to play them next week. Pick’em
Mmm, sounds like the games will be just a bunch of guys playing with no drive, watch for lots of guys playing funny positions. FMB playing defense, Paul Brinkman in net, #2 or is it #6 playing center, Beeber sitting down on the bench (well, it could happen), Hacksaw playing with love, hugging everyone around him and the Saints sharing their 12 types of beverages with everyone (well, that is a lot to ask, a Saint to share his beverage!!!)
Maybe time to have a flexible game schedule for the last week to let the playoff teams play each other and let the two other teams get the early hour and party!!!
Saints vs. Crusaders: Christmas came early and by the final score, it was awesome for the Saints. Let’s give credit where credit is due! John Hernon got a gift himself as he redirected a shot from the corner with his skate. Otherwise, did the Crusaders show up? Beeber looked lost has he did get a few STN but nothing else. His team did share the puck with him just as the Saints would arrive to cover him. The best Beeber play of the night goes to Wookie; he dived to take the puck away from Beeber and clearing it back over the blue line to create an offside. This was Beeber’s night, nothing. Santa Clause must have thought he was playing for the Saints tonight and his Saints defense was redirecting pucks at him. No less than 40 shots and lots of white uniforms in front of him all night. The non-penalty call of the night was a perfect toast to the Saints season. The ref called a Crusader for a penalty; Flounder rushed to the bench, the other ref called the Saints, who had the puck, for too many players on the ice. After consulting with Toronto, the penalty was waved off. The Crusaders almost got away with the best fake of the season. Welcome back McNeill of the Saints who scored, the only three people to notice was McNeill, Santa Clause and one ref. Everyone else lined up for a face off to the right of goalie while McNeill celebrated, good thing we have replay cameras, the game would have been closer, right. Has anyone seen Beeber?
Whalers vs. Stingers: How did the Whalers get off 50 STN tonight and yet complain about losing? The Whalers controlled the puck, the play, just somehow they could not find the net, hint, and it has 2 vertical red pipes with a red pipe at the top connecting the vertical pipes. The idea is, put the puck between those pipes. Have you guys been watching Red Bull highlight films again? We do have a special footnote; the Queen has fallen into second place for goalies GAA after the beating he took from the Saints -5, Crusaders -3 and this week the Stingers -4!!! Average 4.0 GAA !!!! What happened to the GAA of under 2, has the misses not been showing up for you? In a rarely seen event is SCHL, Paul Smyth was awarded a penalty shot after a Vicious (new nick name) Verrochi Trip. Come on, this is SCHL, why the trip, chances are he was going to miss anyway. FYI, Smyth did miss the penalty shot and he was not being chased.
Sharks vs. Toros: some many teams hoping for a shot at the playoffs. All the Toros had to do was win just one game. But no, they played out in space. Why would they have the ½ Brinkman sisters on the same line? We all know, brothers don’t share and of course, they did not make nice passes to each other. On the first goal by the Sharks, Cleary had the same look in his eyes as the rest of his Toros teammates “Deer in the headlights”. FYI, maybe I was overcome by that same look, but do the DA and FMB look like twins on the ice? Same waist line for sure!!!! The hit of the night belongs to the DA and Cleary. The DA after crossing the offensive blue at cruising speed (6 mph), Cleary stepped in front of the DA!!! It was ugly, Cleary was down, but not out, just slow in getting up, seems while he was on his back Cleary was heard to say “me not see deer, just a big moose”, I have no idea what it means. The part of the game most interesting was after the Toros pulled the goalie. Several Sharks actually worked hard not to run up the score!!! Who would think, the Sharks not looking for extra assists. FYI, they got 7 out of 8 possible assist points tonight, o how they share.
RED RIBBON OF PAIN AWARD
Going into the last week, we have several contenders for the “The Red Ribbon of Pain” all tied with 5 time outs in the box.
Art Murphy – Toros
Jim Holmes – Toros
Drew Cammorata – Sharks
Michael Cashin – Stingers
Peter MacPherson – Stingers
In case you are wondering, Red Bull has 4 but the Toros have been keeping him up front, just think, he could have 8 if not for his teammates!!!!
Other possible last minute come from behind choices with 4:
Ron Read – Crusaders
Mike Zucarelli – Starks
So come out and BOO your most hated player to stand up at the end of the season and wear his “Red Ribbon of Pain”.
Yes, no Saint or Whaler made the list. Guess they come to have fun while the others have enforcers!!!!
BREAKING NEWS: Flower Child and several Stingers where ask at their pickup hour how they plan to attack the Saints this week, comments made where “hope the game is a tie, we want the Saints to feel like they could have contended, the fakers”. “The Saints should be happy we even show up, like they have a chance to win”. “Do the Saints forwards even know what a Stinger looks like, come on, they are old and blind”. “The Saints should give us the team beverages and wait to collect the empty cans in our locker room”.
One Shark not attending the Stinger practice was reportedly of on vacation, not concerned about watching game films this week “We know, shut down Beeber, the rest of his team will just fall in line!!!”
And not wanting to miss a chance, #2 or is it #6 commented, at least playing the Toros the Queen will be looking at a lot of STN.
Mmm, maybe the games will be just a little bit more interesting this week.
Monday, April 14th, 6:53 pm
Ahhh, what a night!
Just when you thought your favorite team was securely headed into the playoffs, something like last night happened.
First off, the early game between the Saints and the Cruaders began what one would say would be a one sided match with the men in purple on the winning side. But, perhaps the Solar Eclipse that is about to happen tonight had an effect on the game last night.
Final score: Saints 5 Crusaders 1. I’ll repeat that: Saint 5 Crusaders 1. Wow.
What the frig just happened? Here are the Saints, who have been struggling all year, and the Crusaders who have been one of the top two teams all year... and all gets thrown out the window and the Saints are no longer the cellar-dwellers, but a team that is making a run for the playoffs... but it may be just too late.
But the Crusaders have also had their struggles this season. The old saying, “How Beeber goes, so does the men in purple”. And tonight was no exception as the Beeb was not on the scorecard (did he even show up?) and thus the Crusaders lost. Wow.
The second game of the night saw the Whalers, once again, outplay their opponent. But last we checked, outplaying you opponent not only doesn’t show up in the scorebook, it wont necessarily guarantee a win.. you know what does? Shooting the fucking puck on net. The Whales have perfected Shots Toward the Net (STN for short).
Lastly the Sharks killed the Toros.
Friday, April 13th, 4:10 pm
And a new League is born: The Relics!
Well, the King has spoken after months of rumor and conjecture we now know the Relics Hockey hour has been born, it happened on Thursday morning April 10th when the King and FMB met with the Hobomock Arena management and secured the 5:30 PM hour in rink 1 at Hobomock Arena for the Relics.
As we read in the letter the King sent to his kingdom the Relics is the natural progression for Southcoastal Hockey the only difference is it will not be run by Southcoastal. The King has pledged his support and assistance in making sure the Relics becomes a great place to play hockey he has also ordered his court (Art & FMB) to assist in any way possible.
The King's letter stated that they have identified 17 current Legends players who project to be Relics so don't be shy contact us as soon as possible to reserve your spot! The letter alluded that some SCHL Legends players would be told they should move to the Relics. This was the King's way of being polite strongly suggesting hey it is time for you to play elsewhere.
As we understand it those spots in the Legends are being filled with players currently playing in the Classics who are in the same position as the new Relics, the Classic level of play has improved and now it is time for them to move on to the Legends.
Can't wait to see Beeber dropped to the third line on the Crusaders!!!
Since the King's letter was sent out the Relics have already been contacted by retired SCHL players very excited to return, so don't wait to be asked (really told) to become a Relic. It's not really a state secret who the 17 are, we know who you are and you know who you are so stop being in denial and come over to the Relics. It is like those old white owl cigar commercials "sooner or later were going to get ya"
Since the Relics Hockey Hour is no where near the size of the Kings Gigantic Hockey Corporation playing costs will be less, wow haven't even dropped the puck yet and we already have a win, things are looking good, hurry up don't be left without a seat on the players bench when the music stops
Thursday, April 10th, 6:30 pm
And now a word from Hal:
Mike Martin wants everyone to know, he is just a happy fun loving guy who takes comments personal. So we want him to know, you and Beeber can play on the same team next season. Just kidding Mike, we all know FMB needs a personal assistant and we are happy you are there for him.
The big news for the week, Beeber actually had a fan club cheering for him Sunday night. No less than 30 guys cheering him on to score and chatting hat trick. But he failed to rise to the occasion and the Whalers won in O/T.
Another big story for last week, someone lost/tossed his cookies on the Toro’s bench. Which explains why the fast line changes and how quiet the bench was!
Shake up in the Power Rankings:
1. Whalers – you stood toe to toe with a playoff team and held your ground.
2. Crusaders – Beeber is a one man scoring machine. You get him the puck, so he can score. (as long as he is hanging out by the red line!)
3. Sharks – you missed some players, but you are still a team.
4. Toros – you kicked butt and earned this spot.
5. Saints – you had a full unit and played with heart.
6. Stingers – shame on you!!! You rolled over, played like who cares, teams who play you deserve better.
This week's games:
Saints vs. Crusaders – Saints are back to full strength; look for Beeber to be shut out, by his team!!! Saints are loose and playing for fun. Crusaders have to figure out who they will be playing in the playoffs. Look for the Saints to sneak a win.
Whalers vs. Stingers – Stingers lack of respect for teams will cost them. Whalers have the drive after seeing how the Toros manhandled the Stingers defense. Stingers are losing the edge, living on borrowed time. Whalers will not put up with the hacking. Whalers by 2.
FYI, Stinger practice this week saw only 4 Stingers show up!! Seems they too are resting for the playoffs.
Sharks vs. Toros – Sharks are resting up for the playoffs and getting more ice time for guys to be in shape. Toros still in the hunt for a playoff spot. Doc is coming back from rehab. FMB Toros will be coming hard. Toros by 3.
Recap this week games:
Sharks vs. Saints – First, the Saints welcomed back Jim McNeill. The Sharks rested several players this week. Doc (issues with JC and Lank scoring in the shoot outs) was at goalie rehab this weekend, which gave Foosball a chance to try out for the Relics. The Saints for the first time in months had a full team. Almost that is, Mike Ryan is still out due to the slash from a Stinger a few weeks ago. (Side note, Norton’s leg bruises are almost gone. Those Hacking Stingers.) The Sharks played hard, but not too hard, as they got only one penalty all night. While the Saints do what they do best when shorthanded, they get a goal. Flounder lost it on one of the Sharks goals. Seems just about 30 seconds earlier, his teammates were pressing the attack in the Sharks crease with no less than 3 players on the ice, the puck not visible, somehow the puck broke free allowing the Sharks to break out and score. The play of the night belongs to JC!!! Foosball left the net open as the Saints where rushing the puck up. With under 2 minutes to go, JC heard those magic words from the King, “don’t run up the score on my Sharks”, with a burst of speed (steroid usage) JC flashed past the puck carrier to create an offside. Amazing how the King’s words mean something when you are playing against the Sharks. JC was asked after the game, WHY? “I knew the King would trade me for helping to run up the score, besides, who in this league really wants to beat the Sharks by 3 goals”. Sound thinking, trade him.
Toros vs. Stingers – Stingers should have played the Bruins, they did not know how to play the Toros in the third period!! Could they just be coasting into the playoffs because they are locked in first place? Let’s get to the play of the game, which kicked the Toros into a scoring team and made the Stingers look like virgins, sorry, at least virgins know what they are protecting!!! It is a bird, a plane, superman, no, it’s Holmes the flying machine. Doing a Bobby Orr fly by, Fly Boy Holmes crashed the net to deflect a Paul Brinkman wing and a prayer shot. Once the cheering and pats on the back where done, the Toros came at the Stingers, showing little respect or concern for the Hacking Stingers Defense. When it was done, the Stingers fell to last place in the power rankings. Even Colella got into the act, tipping in a shot and crashing into Honey Bee. Not one Stinger defenseman came to aid. Seems they did not want to be seen near the crease. Maybe the next time, the defense will show respect to opposing teams. We did attempt to locate a few of the Stingers defensive players, but we were told “they left the ice at the start of the 3rd period and we still can’t locate them.” FYI, Red Bull was missing, is there a tournament in Turkey this weekend? Ever hear of GPS, maybe they left for the Red Bull tournament in Turkey.
Crusaders vs. Whalers – It is true and I saw it myself. Beeber had a fan club. Never has a SCHL player been cheered and chatted to score. The Queen looked rattled every time Beeber touched the puck. We could not notice Beeber does not enter the defensive zone? Is there an invisible fence at the blue line and he has a neck collar on to prevent him from crossing it? Beeber did get two breakaways hanging out at the blue line and he scored. Guess his team has not figured out a way to get him the puck more often at the blue line….could it be they are busy playing 4 against 5? The play of the night, for those who either went home or closed their eyes when it happened involved two of SCHL big bodies. Imagine two over 300 pound guys (Beeber and #6) cruising for the puck. While the speed was just about 3 miles per hour, the crash and resulting shock wave moved several fans of the boards. It was told a can of beer on the outside dasher was knocked to the ground from the vibration in the boards. What made the play interesting was no damage to the boards or ice and it only took them 7 seconds to get up. Thought this was a no check have fun league?
Rumor has it there could be a Relics division. One of the changes to keep the players interested is, unconfirmed at this time, the Refs will be topless. Imagine Hinchey topless!!!! It would cut down on penalties, who would want Hinchey taking him to the box!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Monday, April 6th, 8:21 am
Whalers Win; Beeber Frustrated!
Well, last night proved a couple of things... that the Crusaders have a tough time playing the Whalers and that Beeber is, well, just another Angry Spice. Shortly after the Whalers beat the Crusaders in OT, (with, by the way, was 2 goals to none), the aforementioned Beebs was not a loss for words.
We believe that the disgruntled maladjusted future-Relic ran directly to the league office and proclaimed his frustration with the team, the league and the level of play. Yup, you heard it here first. Beeber was overheard saying “What the Fuck do I have to do to win. I jumped to the Saints, and they hated me, I ran back to the Crusaders and now they hate me. All I do is score goals and yet my team keeps on losing”.
He continued “Heck, I even scored twice tonight and what does my team mates do, give up 4”.
Whoa. Ever heard of backchecking? If you stopped hanging out at center ice, then you could perhaps be considered a team player and not one that thrives on writing in his diary that he trumped his team by scoring every night. We wonder which team the Beebs wants to transfer to now?
Now lets talk about his on ice play. He takes pride in checking in a no-check league. Yup, he not only scores goals but also gets in just as much checks per game and last night was no exception. After taking down a player in the corner, he mouthed a couple of expletives and then proceeded to punch the player he in fact took down. Way to go sluggo.
No short of 32 spectators witnessed this firsthand as they were watching the game. Up front and personal. Way to win friends and influence people. Shit for Brains.
Beeber, this type of play has no place in our league. Sure you like to win, who doesn’t, But more importantly, we like to wake up in the morning in one piece and go to work. Some of us have real jobs, some of us just make bird houses.
Nonetheless, your continued brutality on the ice continues to lose friends.... not that you every had that in mind. Maybe you will wake up some day and realize that the turd in your drink is a result of you being a turd.
The men in purple don’t need you and your attitude. Last I checked, there is no “I” in Beeber. (Then again, their is one in Jimmy... their is also a “me”... shocking eh?).
Continuing on from his rant to the league office, it seems he wants out. Good. What teams are left that would want you? You are a cancer on the bench, the locker room and certainly on the ice. Now, the league is taking notice. Dont’ think the Relics are calling. I believe there is another league in another state that would love to have you show off your talents. Good luck, don’t let the locker room door hit you on your way out.
Ok, enough about this dickwatt. (by the way, if you don’t like what is reported here, get your own fucking web site and create your own).
Hey, the Stingers lost in a romp by the Toros. Wow. The final score was 6-1. Has the Stingers fallen back to earth? Or has the Toros regrouped and found their mojo just in time for the Playoffs. Couldn’t help but notice that Red Bull was not on the scorecard. Friggin Brinks are all over the place again... scoring at will. Good game tho. Stingers will be back, for sure.
Didn’t see my Peter twins in the scoring either... I think I saw them on the ice, but they may have been a healthy scratch.
Oh, I also see Adbul getting a penalty, finally. Good to see the refs eyesight is coming back.
Finally in the last game, we saw the Sharks bow down to the Saints in a battle 4-2. Not sure what the heck happened here but Foosball was called up from Winston-Salem, Fire Marshall Bill was absent due to malaria, the DA was a no show, the Colonel was missing (again), and also the Sheriff and Toothpick ... no wonder why they lost.
We got questions:
Are the Sharks trying to position themselves for a easier first round playoff opponent?
Maybe the Sharks trying to give the Saints and Toros some faint playoff hopes.
Are the Sharks trying to back out of playoff contention so they will not be accused of loading up with a potential run of consecutive championships.
Are the Sharks hoping a loss will open the door for more Rangers?
Is Foosball on a "secret" tryout for the soon to be formed Relics Hockey Division?
Is Foosball trying to show the Saints that he is the answer to their woes and they should cut the Flounder loose?
We wonder if the Saints did not pull out a victory over the undermanned Sharks there may have to be a suicide watch positioned on the Mystic River Bridge to keep them from jumping. Now with the win, we now focus on the Sharks at the Bridge.
Our reporters and interns will be on hand for post game quotes and photos.
Saturday, April 5th, 10:15 am
Latest Line from the Vegas odds makers, Doc the Goalie & FMB both out for the Sharks this week, are they being held out of the line up to rest for the playoffs?
Are the Sharks trying to position themselves for a easier first round playoff opponent?
Maybe the Sharks trying to give the Saints and Toros some faint playoff hopes. Let's see who the Sharks sub goalie will be before the Vegas odds makers set the line....
Breaking news just in... Speedy Sharks forward Toothpick is also a potential scratch for the game, HMMMM what are the Sharks up to
Friday, April 4th, 10:32 pm
Stingers have asked SCHL to let them play the Bruins this week!!! They feel it is beneath them to suit up against the Toro's. Hacksaw is confident he will rule the Toro's forwards with his slashing sidekicks Murray and Cashin. Honey Bee feels he will be bored in the net and fall asleep during the game. Wow, Stingers showing no respect for the Toro's. We can say, this week's Stingers practice did have a light turn out.
In other news, the Crusaders are planning a party after locking up second place and trashing the Whalers. Beeber is bragging he will win the scoring title with several easy goals on the Queen and his no show defense. Crusaders defense has asked the league to provide photos of the Whalers forwards so they can find out if the Whalers actually have forwards. Crusaders seem to drinking the same water as the Stingers!!!!
We did ask a Shark about his game with the Saints, a source who we cannot name, has hinted the Sharks are resting players this week against the last place Saints to be ready for the playoffs.
Thursday, April 3rd, 6:29 pm
Hal pipes in...
Hal with a correction from last week, to the Crusaders, I am glad to hear that Mike (kiss ass) Martin is not on your team. But to the Crusaders, it was a onetime error, cool it on the emails about how you don’t brown nose ok…no one likes you guys anyway, so kiss my _ _ _. Due to Terms of usage on this site, we cannot show the photo Hal wanted to post!
To the Toro’s, I guess I gave the Crusaders the fire to play hard Sunday so no one thinks they were a kiss ass team.
Has anyone noticed? Almost every goal this week had two assists? 15 of the 19 (20th was an ENG) had 2 assists. A total of 53 points awarded this week? Was this bonus week? Not to worry, the Sharks keep the streak of 2 assists on every goal going strong. While the Whalers only got 2 assists for their two goals!!
Teams who could be moving to the Relics? They already have the uniforms!
6. Toro’s – you dropped a spot because you showed no heart and fighting on the bench.
5. Saints – showing a little too late, but you could say “I could have been a contender”.
The Playoff Teams:
4. Whalers – you are reading too much press, you let the Saints have their way and you looked tired.
3. Sharks – you seem to be falling into a season ending slump.
2. Crusaders – only cause you won without the Beeber.
1. Stingers – start looking over your shoulders, teams are sharing information on how to beat you.
This week’s Games:
Sharks vs. Saints – Are the Saints able to win back to back? Are the Sharks going to coast into the playoffs? Will Drew try to win the penalty battle with Hacksaw (both are tied with 5)? Is FMB able to score in back to back games? Can Flounder see the puck and will Doc overreact to the slow guys? Pick’em
Breaking News: Sharks are planning to celebrate making playoffs after the beat down on the Saints.
Toros vs. Stingers – Stingers only got called for one penalty last week, look for that to change. Red Bull looking to end the season with more than two goals. This is the Stingers last easy chance to tie up first place seeding. Look for lots of box time. Hacksaw and Murray get pushed around because they both get 2 penalties early. Holmes and Martin get called for cheap slashing calls, Martin will claim he is not a kiss ass, but has to clean his nose. Brinkman sisters’ actual get along. Stingers win with lots of box time and goals.
Breaking News: Stingers boasting out loud, Toro’s should stay home and wash dishes, Stingers bringing their A game…more to follow.
Crusaders vs. Whalers – interesting game. Prime time, Crusaders fold under a big game, Whalers looking to win again. Could there be lots of physical play? Number 6 and last week's missing D need to get the Queens GAA down and keep the front of the net clear. Beeber will be looking to score so he gets the scoring title after missing a week. EMT’s will be in demand. Pick’em
Breaking News: Crusaders have no comment, must be Beeber has a gag order on him!
Last Week's Games: Nice honor for the fallen firefighters in Boston.
Again this week, comments are based on emails coming in, so keep them coming.
Crusaders vs. Toros – Could you believe the silence, Beeber was a no show and the Crusaders won!!! The Crusaders down like 5 guys stayed with the Toros all night. I just don’t understand how could they win without Beeber??? A question we will never understand. I see the Toro’s moved Holmes to forward, guess his wife called and explained she could not deal with his crying about not getting to play forward, or was that Red Bull….ah, do we really care? As we do in most games, pick the play of the night, 6 foot 6 inch Ron Read getting called for “Elbowing”, come guys, at his height, those elbows are head shots.
Stingers vs. Sharks – Stingers only got one penalty all night. (Hacksaw tied for the league lead with 5, seems like a lot more or just due to seeing the EMT’s visit the opposing team locker room after every Stinger game!!!!!) Stingers keep the Sharks at bay most of the night, the 3rd goal by the Sharks looked more like a, let FMB score we feel bad for him. Not offend teams roll over for FMB. Stingers just had a goal to waste (aka give up). We will give Doc credit; he did stop a few breakaways, just not the last one. It was a well-played game, higher scoring game and little contact…not at all like we called it.
Saints vs. Whalers – The Queen, back from his week of in the sun, singing “Be Happy” was in rare form tonight. The Queen and his lack of defense spotted the Saints a very fast 3 goal lead. Papa Roach could be seen going up and down the his bench, “Guys, Barry still thinks he is on the beach, slow down on the scoring, we are already double his GAA for the season” Nice guy Papa, so concerned for his fellow league players. Word is the Queen had to exit his locker room early as his team would not share drinks with him!!! While the Saints owed the game, we do ask, where was #6 and his defense? MIA? The Queen faced about 50 shots tonight, with rebound shots coming from all angles!!! The Saints hit a few posts and tap ins. Wait, Papa speech, do not run up the score…want a team. The best call of the night had to go to Chuck Ryan, with the angry Ryan MIA (out due to a Stingers slash 3 weeks ago); Chucky picked up the puck near the blue line and got called for interfering with a Whaler who cried because he did not get the puck first.
Monday, March 31st, 7:15 pm
What a night!
Lets start backwards, with the west coast (9;40 pm) game. Who the F do the Whalers think they are? Sitting pretty in the league, thinking all is well, when all of a sudden everyone wants to take a week off and leave their team mates behind to sweep up the scraps? Well, if the game last night was any example of what is to come, then those MIA team mates should think about taking anymore time off. Yes, that means those who were a) vacationing in Australia, b) skiing in Montana, c) sailing in the Bahamas, d) eating bon-bons by the fire (sorry Chaz, had to out you), or e) thinking that the 9:40 game was too late for your sorry ass. Get yourself together will ya.
Ok, back to the game. The Whaler-less Whalers go shallacked by the Saints. The Saints came to play and the handed the Fish a welcome beating. Not sure of the final score, but it was a lot. Good win for a team that hasn’t had a good win in a long time. All I gotta say is that that Mac guy is fucking huge and he gets in the way of everything.
The early game saw the Crusaders beat the Toros. Not sure if Beeber was in the house tonight, but he wasn’t on the scorecard. Seems they can win without him. Suspended-boy O’C got his mojo back by scoring a couple of goals in the win. Good to see Nate doing something/anything.... he got a penalty tonight. Atta boy.
North 2 South didn’t figured in the box score which is rare. Buck did something, but we just didn’t notice... did anybody. Is Donovan still on the team? Seems he hasn’t done a lot lately either.
In a losing effort, Red Bull wasn’t a factor again. Seems his early season scoring streak of 2 games has really come to a halt. jeez.
Pretty Brinkman line figured in both goals in a losing effort for the Toros.
Finally, the Sharks faced off with the Stingers. Stingers won and kept their league leading record in tact.
Abdul got a goal... so what? Gotta keep the Taliban happy, I guess.
Oh, Fire Marshall Bill and the DA, (fresh off his TV broadcast on Route 3 South in Duxbury where he was spotted giving an interview and tying up traffic for over 3 hours), tallied for the losing Sharks.
Oh, Hacksaw Pete kept his penalty per game streak alive at 443 games. Way to go...
15 Things Every Beer League Player Wants
by: Kyle Stevenson - March 18th, 2014
We’re all competitors and still want to win every game, but a little while ways down the road, after trading in the ‘competitive’ skates for their beer league counterparts, priorities begin to shift a bit.
1. The opponents’ average age to be the same or higher than your team’s.
We worked all day, we don’t work out nearly as much and bluntly, we’re mostly out of game shape. We’re here for some time with the boys and aren’t looking to chase around a bunch of 20 year-olds home for summer break.
2. Wives and girlfriends to instinctively understand that no matter if game time is 7:00pm or 10:40pm, we’ll be at the rink until 1:00am.
We love you, we truly do, but yes this is in fact way more enjoyable than cuddling on the couch and watching the bachelor with you. Please don’t make us answer that question, because you wont like the response. Whether we won a nail-biter or lost by 20, there will be more beers waiting in the locker room than Oktoberfest and yes, we will be here until we finish them.
3. To not have the last game of the night.
Beer League Hockey Wants CostanzaRemember back when you didn’t care what time the games were because you could just sleep in until 11 AM anyway? Yeah, those days are long gone. You’ve been doing this long enough to know the 10:30 PM game really starts at 11:15 and inevitably you’ll end up looking like George Costanza rocking a nap under the desk tomorrow morning.
4. The refs to find a happy medium between not wanting to be there and thinking they are officiating game 7 of the cup finals.
We’re going to complain about every hook, hack and off-side you do or don’t call all night because for a couple hours a night, we have the delusion that you are the sole reason our team isn’t undefeated. It’s not our diminishing skills that weren’t great to begin with, or the fact that we can barely skate up and down the rink twice without needing an oxygen tank. Until the final buzzer, we are going to be all over you and if you can take that in stride, we’ll be glad to toss you a couple beers, hang out and laugh in the parking lot later.
5. Hot showers at the rink.
This one is a no brainer. We’re going to shower when we get off the ice and hot water is great, post-game hypothermia isn’t. The only thing that should be cold after the game is the case of beer. Every beer-leaguer is accustomed to hearing “Water hot?” asked of the first teammate to turn on the showers. We don’t want to drive home smelling like a foot because we have to get in the same car in work clothes in 8 hours.
6. To leave the rink with the same number of teeth as we arrived with.
Yes, I’m wearing a visor. No, it’s not an invite to catch me in the chicklets with your stick. You wear a full cage? Great, I’m not going to chirp you unless you start waving your stick around my ears like you’re the long lost musketeer. You have that cage on and I don’t, keep your stick down champ. It might only be 2-minutes for you but it’s a long trip to the dentist for me tomorrow.
7. For that one guy on the opposing team to bring it back a notch.
Hey practice hero, it’s a B- level beer league. Phil Pritchard and the cup are not in the building; Pierre is not between the glass. You don’t need to hack my wrist off on my follow-through, relax on finishing that check in the corner and no scout is taking notes of your awesome back-check. We all have to work in the morning and not limping around the office is the goal.
8. The guy on the other team wearing #69 to just stop.
Beer League Hockey WantsWe all remember when #69 was hilarious a joke as any, we were 7. Pick a real number and move on.
9. Both goalies to show up.
Contrary to popular belief, the other team’s goalie not showing is almost as frustrating our own goalie not showing. Yeah, we’ll probably (god I hope) win the game. But it’s boring as hell. You look like a jerk for shooting it into the net and a jerk for holding off.
10. To be on the team with the sweet uniforms.
Beer League Hockey WantsEvery league has one team that spent $500 per guy on uniforms and they look like an NHL team walking out of the room. Matching jerseys, socks, gloves, helmets and pants. They’ve been playing together forever, it’s the same guys every season and you hate them mostly out of jealousy.
11. All 5 guys on your team to attempt to play defense.
None of us are Nick Lidstrom, but if I look up from the corner I’d love to see all 5 guys within driving distance of our defensive zone. If I get the puck and look up to see you wildly waving your stick at me from the far blue, you probably aren’t getting the puck and it’s out of spite.
12. Everyone to show up sober.
Boys, there are plenty of beers waiting AFTER the game.
13. The captain of the team to calm down.
Yeah, we all want to win. I don’t need to get screamed at for not being on the boards on the break-out or half-assing it on the backcheck. The goalie looked like he had it under control anyway. Just because you filled out the team’s online registration form doesn’t make you de-facto coach/GM.
14. To make it through a game with all sticks intact.
These aren’t you’re grandfather’s Christian wood sticks. Do they improve my game? Probably not, but I ponied up the $260 a piece for them so if you slash it in half, I’m going to be more pissed than if you slashed my leg in half, there’s no medical coverage for composite sticks.
15. To laugh at the guy with the tinted half shield.
Hey Ovi, is the NHL lighting in the municipal arena getting to your eyes? The only thing more embarrassing than the halfy is the toe drag you’ve tried to pull and failed at the last 9 consecutive shifts. If you spent as much time practicing that move as you do staring at your reflection in the glass, you’d have perfected it by now.
Saturday, March 29th, 6:51 pm
Hal Pipes In:
So Hal takes a week of, even reporters need a break. I just did not know how many guys read this blog.
Glad to be missed. Time to demand a pay raise. I want a computer, no more typewriter with correction tape or white out!!!!!!
Before we get into this week’s blog, I have to point out some of the worst ass kissing in SCHL. We all know how the King demands his subjects to bow before him, I was witness to an event not even I could believe. FMB was doing his weekly task of posting the league standings next to the soda machines, something he has done for 25 years without help. So FMB dropped a pin he used to hold the sheets of paper in place. Mike Martin of the Crusaders, a side I could not believe. Mike rushed over, got down faster than a SCHL goalie to pick up the FMB pin, Mike asked FMB if they was anything else he could do to “Please him” was just a shock to all the guys around. Mike was a kiss ass…wow!!!!
6. Saints – you are a good beer drinking team, but players win games.
5. Toro’s- so you can beat the Saints, time for a team meeting at Red Bull’s bar.
Now the playoff teams:
4. Sharks – at least you can make the playoffs, but you miss team bonding.
3. Crusaders – why do you fold in the big game?
2. Whalers – you are close, but still have to prove you are the best.
1. Stingers – only because you win and can physically beat other teams.
This Week’s Games:
Crusaders vs. Toro’s- good time for Beeber to get more points. A good teaser for the big game up next. Toro’s playing to hold onto 5th, while the Crusaders need to get the new guys ready for the playoffs. Crusaders by 3 at least.
Stingers vs. Sharks – prime time at its best. You have Hacksaw leading the league in assaults while Drew Cammorata is back and looking to make up for his lost week. Game will be low scoring but full of action, could be the night of 10 penalties. Look for bad blood early and with lots of break time. Goalies will see a lot of bodies in front. Look for a shootout.
Saints vs. Whalers – do not stay to watch, to nice teams playing each other, just to fill out the season. The Saints are still recouping for the Stingers physical beat down from 2 weeks ago. Saints are down players still out per doctors’ orders to rest, Stingers took a big toll on the Saints a few weeks ago. Whalers if they show up, win by 3.
Last Week’s Games: based upon emails to Hal.
Toro’s vs. Saints – good game, Mike White demonstrated his skilled usage of the English language. Did his wife order a case of soap? Let’s just say, those words are not printable. The Saint lived up to their trademark playing this season. The Toro’s scored 20 seconds into the game. Saints now hold the SCHL for goals given up in under 30 seconds to start a game in a season, wow, and this record could hold up for the history of SCHL, as they still have games left for them to put it out of touch forever.
Whalers vs. Sharks – Lank to the rescue. Using moves he studied on film by JC a few weeks earlier, Lank scored the only goal in the shootout to give the Whalers a win against the Sharks, mmmm, could Doc have a weakness for old slow guys?
Stingers vs. Crusaders – Hacksaw took out the smallest Crusader, north 2 south in a close game. This game showed the Crusaders can play, but panic in the big game. Poor Buck was called for a fake fall by Flower Child, took Flower Child did take acting classes. FYI, while Flower Child did score a right place right time on the power play, he did missed a complete open net with a shoot 8 feet over the cross bar. Nice shot, but a better acting job. Just hard to play when the guys you play fake falls.
Monday, March 24th, 11:26 am
It seems the thought/threat of establishing a RELICS division has scared (good or bad) a few fellas last night as a few abborishions occurred.
Specifically, Lanky getting the winning goal in overtime after deeeeking the shit out of Dr. Zachary Smith (Lost in Space reference); also, who let Whitey know that he was pigeon holed as a Relic... as he singlehandedly set the all time record for penalties on one shift with 2 roughings and a Major... WTF? Don’t bring that trash to our new league rookie!
So the games went on:
The Saints continue their depressing downhill slide this season by getting wholloped by the Toros 4-3 and even moreso by getting beaten up on the ice as well. You see, there were no short of 47 penalties in this game, but the refs calculators ran out of juice and only called 8 or so. A lot of roughing calls which tells me the boys are getting Spring Fever, just dying to get out of the house. Oh, hey, did anyone see Frankies “cow tipping” penalty? Yup. He got called for it when he stiff armed a guy and the weeble fell down. Awesome. Lurch picked up a couple of roughing calls as well. Monkey see monkey dooo.
Good to see our pal Rochey get on the board, so now he can say he scored twice on Sunday (wink, wink).
The sisters also got in the action, where pretty boy scored and bad boy got a penalty. Hey, thats ok. More that I’ve done lately.
Oh, and once again Red Bull was not a factor.
Ok, moving on to the Whalers and Sharks. The Sharks coming off a very physical game against the Crusaders where 2 guys were suspended.... OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHH. Anyway, the game got off to a very quick start as both teams were fighting hard to put each other ahead until the Sharks seemed to wake up and score 2 relatively quick goals past the league leading I’m-the-best-in-the-world Queenie for a 2-0 score. This stayed pretty much the score until Captain INeedaFall took a header into the boards. A few queer (yes, I said it) minutes later the Captain rose and gingerly skated to his bench where he quickly drank some holy water and didn’t miss a beat on his next turn to skate.
What? Why bother taking up our time crying in the corner, stopping play, getting all the fans up in a tizzy, only to skate away and don’t miss a beat on the ice? Gotta love this league.
So anyway, the score stayed 2-0 until the Whalers decided to start SHOOTING ON THE NET instead of trying to scare the goalie and wizz shots over the net. The Fish got 2 quick goals to tie it and put it into overtime where, now don’t fall asleep yet, Mr. Comeback Kid Lanky sauntered toward the net in what seemed like way beyond the 24 second clock, as the refs were really watching their stop watches. Anyway Lanky pushed the ice coated puck toward the goal and seemingly took a shot, but missed, only to catch himself in mid shot and brought the puck to his left and backhanded it slowly over the red line into the net for the game winner! What excitement. Not really. What we really saw happening was that the goalie (aforementioned Zachary Smith) fell asleep and Mr Lanky just made a good move on him.
Thursday, March 20th, 9:04 pm
Ok, Ok. We’ve got off our asses and back to the typewriter...
Last weeks games were nothing short of spectacular.
First off, who would have thought that the up and coming cinderella Whalers would get their friggin heads handed to them by a team that all but have written off this season... the Toros. Yup, the team that spanked the Whalers in the first game this season has come back and spanked them once again. Wahoo. Wake the Fuck up Whalers...
you are not that good.... get it?
Good for the Toros, tho. They have had a very unexciting season and for once, again, they can feel as though their season may be worth salvaging. Glad they did it against a team who was on the way up. The Toros are good. They just need to put more than one victory together. Hey, just like Willie Nelson sings “that’s one in a row”.
And for the Whalers who thought they could take a week off because “it was too far past their bed time” well, get it together! Nobody takes a week off in this league. Wake up.
Ok, on to another game. Wait, let me first say... BLAH, BLAH BLAH... Stingers won, Saints lost. BLAH, BLAH, BLAH.
Would love to report that this was hard fought, in the corners, with a whole bunch of shots on net... BLAH, BLAH, BLAH.
Nope. Nothing happened. Bee’s won and Saints didn’t. BLAH, BLAH, BLAH.
Now for the most exciting game of the night.... taaaa daaaaa. Its the Crusaders against the Sharks.
Who woulda thought?
Ok yah, sure, it was a really good game. Really hard fought in the corners with lots of shots on net, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH.
But then it happened...
With the score tied 1-1 late in the game, and with less than 10 seconds left.... a scruff in the corner, away from the cameras and eyes of the children in the audience. Well, lets just say boys will be boys. And, before you knew it there were bench clearing and pushing and shoving and a whole lot of yelling and screaming.
OOOOHs and AAAAAAAHs.
Yadda, Yadda Yadda and there were penalties and suspensions flying all over the place. Yup for the first time in who knows when (well actually we know... its when the Masters League was existent) thing have ever gotten this heated that the scorekeeper had to actually take time out of his newspaper delivery business to look for another #2 pencil to jot down all the happenings. Wow. All told: 42 minutes of penalties, 14 F’ Bombs thrown, 3 I’ll Screw with your W$$$$fe comments and a couple of midget jokes later the game moved onto the overtime where the Sharks finally won.
Ok, lets look at the film: The major players: Little Sawhorse, Drew Can-I-byavowel, and some Irish guy named O’Connell (only to be backed up by another Little Irishman Beeber).
In one corner we find O’Connell who is #82 in all time scoring with 171 point and 40 penalties. He stands 5’9” and 240 lbs.
The other corner, fresh off the bench, Sawhorse: #112 in scoring with 143 points and 32 penalties and comes in at 4’11” 125 lbs., and his partner Can-I-byavowel: 204th in scoring, 85 points, 99 penalties, 2 majors and 3 game misconducts.
EXCUSE ME?!!!! What the Frig did I just uncover? We have a thug amongst us fellas. Mr. Can-I-byavowel has 2 F’n Majors and 3 Game Misconducts in a Fat, Overweight, Slow, White guy, lazy, (did I mention Fat), No Check, No Slap Shot over 85 years old Hockey league!!!!!
And, what, is this his 4th or 3rd Get out or I’ll kick you out for trying to hurt another white guy penalty? Where are we headed? Now, lets see him try to bring this to the Relics Division. We’ll slap him so hard with our canes he won’t want to go into the corners without looking over his shoulder again.
So... we have these suspensions. Now what?
Friday, March 14th, 6:26 pm
NEWS FLASH NEWS FLASH
REPORT OF THE WHALERS TEAM GET AWAY THOSE WHO GOT PERMISSION THAT IS
It has been confirmed via several sources the follow events happened on the weekend of March 1, 2014.
We have been told these people did attend a team weekend.
Jim Toner and Chuck Morrison reportedly walked 8 miles in snow shoes in two hours. Upon doing research the following was uncovered. They walk across the back field, crossed a bridge, rested, using a map, they calculated how long via car it would take to drive around from the front of the lodge, to the main highway over the main bridge and down a side road. This distance calculated out to 4 miles…doubling it, they figured they walked 8 miles.
While Lank and #2 went out on snow mobiles. The morning trip ended when a NH Ranger walked up to them as they were riding and issued them warnings for moving at a low rate of speed, how slow, the ranger walked next to them as they rode. Seems a couple of older folks on cross country skis reported old guys with a deer in the head light look as they coasted by them.
Things did improve after dinner!!!!
Chuck Morrison has earned the nickname “goodie too shoes”. According to the staff at the event, he was a gentlemen, treated the staff with respect, even made his bed we are told!!! Chuck made an effort to complement the chef, bar tender and support staff. His cell phone I am told buzzed him at 9:30 pm Saturday night so he would know it was time to retire for the evening. Goodie too shoes did put some distant from his fellow Whalers who seem to be enjoying alcohol this night.
Mark Lank arrived at the bar with his smoking jacket and proceeded to find a plush chair next to a window and warm hearth. The beverage of choice for the evening was a red wine which he nursed for the hour. He did join his remaining teammates, Chuck was asleep we are told, for a round of Mini-Guinness when he was told it had a coffee flavor, but he was worried about not falling asleep due to the coffee. Then he was off to bed, smells the coffee relaxed him!!!
Not even 10 pm and two Whalers down!!!!!
Jim Toner had such a day. You have seen his photo with a blue label product, but he can be forgiven as he was having his photo done with a “Shoot the Puck” at the locate watering hole.
Toner’s evening, as one of two remaining Whalers had some interesting happenings. He failed to hold onto his beer glass, FYI, the only one to do so all night, breaking the glass to the moan and tears of several Saints who were also in the room. Jim learned on this weekend one can enjoy other types of beer and beverages. It was mentioned as he was being served his Mini-Guinness, he asked if he could have sweet and low to go with the coffee in the drink!!!!!!
Do the Whalers live a sheltered life? We a are told several Saints had to educated the Whalers on worldly beverages,
Should anyone have ONLY beer bottle caps, again, just BEER bottle caps, please deliver them to the Whalers locker room; someone is donating them for a cause we don’t understand. Thank you.
The last Whaler was #2, at last count he was laying on the ice and/or floor from having five too many on the night. The morning staff did report a call came in overnight to clean #2, we are not sure if they meant the room #2 or the player!!!!
The following photo is XXXXXX Rated. It is of an unknown player taken by a security camera of the player browsing the halls during the night. Again, this is XXXXXX Rated; look at your own risk!!!!
Next week, how the Saints handled the weekend, including video of Papa Roach with a pink drink !!!!!! Flounder sleeping at the bar and proof JC was the last player out of the bar.
Power Rankings: Division A, well, the Whalers killed any idea of being unstoppable.
1. Stingers – you gave the Killer Whalers a rued awaking, now; can you keep the # 1 spot?
2. Whalers -have your ego’s gotten too big from reading your own press releases or just you are not ready for the Classics, Bruins look ready to move to the Legends?
3. Crusaders – so you beat the Saints, at least you beat them by 3!
4. Sharks – so you beat the short benched Toro’s and you had to beat the down too?
Teams in a Dream:
5. Saints – your ranked 5 cause we need to put you somewhere.
6. Toro’s – just think, in a few weeks you get to play the Saints for the #5 spot.
This week's games:
Sharks vs. Crusaders: All-out war, slashing will rule the game. The ice machines will be over worked from all the slap happy stick whacking. Doc recovered from JC, will Santa Clause do the same? Look for a full box. Pick’em, just make sure you bring lots of band aids.
Saints vs. Stingers: Looks to be interesting, the Stingers Tuesday practice had more than ½ the team attending, could the Stingers be using the Saints as a stepping stone and trying to avoid a trap game? It is Saint Patrick’s weekend for the Saints; look for the Saints to be sluggish from celebrating. Stingers by 4.
Whalers vs. Toro’s: Toro’s are just 2 steps behind. Whalers need to get the back on the wagon. Will the Brinkman sisters still be on the road trip? Without #2 there to fall down and taking up space, will the Queen be able to handle Red Bull in front? Whalers by 3.
Looking ahead, the Whalers and Stingers have a chance to place high in the seeding for the playoffs as they each have 3 of the 6 remaining games against dream teams.
Recapping this week's games:
Stingers vs. Whalers – We see Dan Murray failed to keep his team lead in the box. Hacksaw was out in force and sent the message early to the Whalers, your number is up. As we called it, the Whalers just played a lot looking over their shoulders all night. Yes, the Stingers got an empty net goal, with 2 assists, the stat keeper was warming up for the next game, yes, the double assist Sharks! Not much to say, the game was good.
Toros vs. Sharks: Let’s get the bad part of this game out now. We enjoy having fun with Red Bull, but towards the end of the game he took a CHEAP hit from a Shark who received just a roughing. Several fans and players felt this was over the top and more than just a minor penalty should have been called. This league is better and plays like this to clear the front of the net in a close game should be treated with a little more attention. We all have to go to work the next day. Red Bull, we hope no one else has to take the hit you did.
So, where are the Brinkman sisters? We were told they attended a family event tonight…was it Mohegan Sun? Don’t remember my family events being there!!!! Of course you have to see the game film. Space Cadet made a nice save you have to see by only allowing 95% of the puck to cross the goal line, this keep the game 1-0. Of course some Sharks felt it crossed, but the replay will show, the puck was still touching the goal line. And of course out favorite character, FMB should be on your highlight film. Behind the line, FMB called for the puck, falling down and sitting on the ice, he was able to pass to create a scoring chance. Nice job FMB, but we do have to ask, did you really fill on the space between the net and the boards? I mean, your butt looked like it was touching both the net and boards? Or was it just the wide angle view we had?
Crusaders vs. Saints: not much to say, game was over early. This was a game of which Crusader would not score a goal or get an assist. Glad it was the west coast game. No penalties in this game, only because the Saints could not find a Crusader on the ice. No need to continue on….it was Crusaders and a team in dream state.
Just to update everyone, having gone over the stats, we want everyone to know. The teams, including the Sharks are in the 1.4 to 1.5 assist range right now, who said the Sharks are averaging 2 assists a goal…mmm, could shoot out goals be tilting the stats….mmmm
Now for Team Penalties - I wish Dan Murray would stop sending us pages and pages of why his team is getting a bad rap.
Toros – 21 Holmes and Red Bull have 9 combined --- 43% of the teams total
Whalers – 18 just spread among the team
Stingers – 16 Hacksaw and Murray have 6 combined (so Dan, your team is not #1, are you happy now?)
Sharks - 12 Drew and Zuc have 8 combined, almost 70% of the team penalties!!!
Crusaders – 12 just spread among the team
Saints – 10 only because they can’t find the opposing team on the ice.
Dan, just give our mail severs a break and chill for a week.
!!! Holmes has clearing taken over the penalty box with his fifth call this year. Red Bull has to be worried and Hacksaw, could they be washed up this season. Are they now the past? Are the Holmes and Dan Murrays the new bad boys of SCHL?
Sunday, March 9th, 12:29 pm
Mid Season Notes:
- - Has anyone noticed a pick up in the Whalers step since “the Mouth” has been retired from the team. Might want to also note that not only has the locker room and bench been quiet and fun, the Whalers have not had 1 too many men on the ice penalties all season. Hmmm, makes you wonder. NOT.
- - The Toros have landed, the Toros have landed. Since the angry sister has joined the team the Bulls have taken a nose dive. Just sayin’. Does this have anything to do with a team mate opening a bar?
- - And, since Red Bull’s first game when he tallied 2 goals and an assist... guess how many points he has now? Yup, 2 goals and an assist. Does this have anything to do with opening a bar?
- - Whats wrong with the Sharks? Couldn’t help but notice that Fire Marshall Bill is leading the team in points. Whats wrong with the Sharks?
- - Funny thing (again) about the Shark point totals.... if you take a look at the scoring, almost everyone has a point... geez, the rumors of having 2 assists for every goal does exist on this team. Well, almost everyone... sorry Sherriff, your day will come.
- - The Saints have battled all season, seriously. They are below average in the rankings for unknown reasons... but may be we can come up with a few:
- - Papa Roches upcoming wedding?
- - How about Wookies whistling skates?
- - Then theres JC, or should we call him Ebineezer.
- - Perhaps if Davey Jones didn’t hang out by the Red Line the team would be able to get out of thier zone faster... Hanging is really over rated in this league, don’t you think?
- - Ok, moving on to the Stingers. If Abdul puts away his Taliban sword and stops hacking perhaps the team will play better.
- - We see that Pete sisters have begun to score... well, its about time. Can’t say the same for Goldilocks... he’s piked up where he’s left off with his old team... no point for and shitload against.
- - Ahhh the Whalers. The leagues loud-mouth team of the past has really been quiet... except for the league leading falldown king himself... yup, your friend and mine... fat old #6. When will he learn to just retire and move on to the Relics?
- - Mini King has been good... well, at least on the ice. In the locker room you can’t shut him up. Have we seen the new Fuzzy being resurrected?
- - Haven’t forgotten about the Crusaders. Or should we say the Callahans. Sure, Jimbo gets his share of the point... or perhaps all of them; but his team really hasn’t done much with him on the bench. Ok, they’ve had their share of injuries.. Burkey (hip), Legal Larry (vagina), Ron Geremy (mustache), Denny (another vaginal issue... transverse mesh?) and Donavan (ego). Good team, just gotta put it together.
Ahhh, let the second half of the season begin...
Friday, March 7th, 7:27 pm
Another Reporter heard from:
Stingers VS Whalers, Not too much to say here, the Stingers trying to hold on to that once powerful image that has been showing signs of weakening lately. Maybe some of the missing players will find their way back to the hive. That would certainly help. Whalers started slow with all the new additions but lately have been putting it all together, their all league goaltender hasn't missed a beat, the offense that struggled in the early part of the season has found its rhythm. Looks like the Whalers are here to stay, We say close game for a while but Whalers depth and goaltending will prevail in the end.
Toros VS Sharks, Interesting game, Toros lack the depth to hold on for a full game, Toros should start quickly then hope to hold on. The Toro players out this session on LTIR will certainly help next falls team if they return but this seasons version is just not built for the long haul. Sharks, for all the press they receive about the former Ranger players just can't seem to score maybe a shake up in the lines is due. To much forward talent struggling to find the net. The Toros would like to have what the Sharks have which is a solid in zone defensive team. We think the Sharks stay close and win it late
Crusaders VS Saints, This has all the makings of the best division game of the night, Crusaders looking to see how far up the ladder they have climbed and the Saints checking to see how far down the ladder they have fallen. This could be a shoot out in the making. Saints will be slowed by their speedy winger being deployed by the military but still should have enough to give the Crusaders all they can handle. Saints will need that former Canadian Alternate Captain to bring his A game, that former Canadian big power forward to play like one and that former Ranger defenseman to play a shut down role. The Crusaders will once again try to push the offense but are susceptible to defensive break downs. Should be the most fun game in the division to watch. We think Saints pull off a upset they are not ready to join the Toros in the not ready for playoff picture just yet.
Friday, March 7th, 7:15 pm
A word from Hal Clutterbuck:
More changes in the ranks, below the Whalers Classic bound team:
Power Ranking: Division A
1. Whalers – when do they move up to the Classics, give the poor legends a break, and give us the Bruins. The Queen thinks he is a classic, do give the team a shot.
Team in the playoffs:
2. Crusaders – you have to move up, you played a Classics team this week and showed up.
3. Stingers – only because you won do you move up, it was a solid win, but do you have a split personality?
4. Sharks – you are kidding right? You played a hung over under manned Saints team, and had to crawl back into the game.
Teams in a dream:
5. Saints – more weekends away as a team and you could make the playoffs!!!
6. Toros – at least you all wear the same color.
This week’s games:
Stingers vs. Whalers – Can the Whalers Classic look deal with the assault unit the Stingers are bring this week. Will #2 stay on his skates without his walking stick? Is Dan Murray desire to earn a rep put him in the box, AGAIN? Is Frano dreaming of the filing tax returns when he gets home? Can the Queen stay healthy with Hacksaw and the Fisherman (Lemish) shooting for his head? Whalers by 3.
Toros vs. Sharks – Will Holmes attitude carry over to this game? Will his temper put fear in the Sharks, well at least the skinny ones? Is Doc able to play after what JC did to him in the shoot-out? Are the Brinkman sisters going to share the puck with others? Can FMB find his glory days again (before he was a legend)? When will Space Cadet adjust to Red Bull not playing defense? Can the Sheriff find the net? This is a prime time game, look for the Toros to play above the clouds!!! Toros by 1.
Crusaders vs. Saints – Do the Saints have a chance? Crusaders need to comeback from last week’s lost. Is Beeber out to put the body on people this week? Is Beeber going to be quiet on the bench for more than 2 minutes? Will PaPa Roach bring the boss so he can play harder? Are Santa Clause and Flounder able to adjust to daylight savings time? Crusaders by 3.
Recapping last week:
Whalers vs. Crusaders – It really was a pick’em game. Game had lots of action. Beeber got touched a few times, can someone get him a crying towel and have the words “why is everyone picking on me” printed on it, as a matter of fact, order Beeber a dozen. I wonder what Goldie and Beeber on the same bench would be like? The new Classics on the Crusaders have not been a factor on the score board, yet the team has been doing well since they showed up. What can you say about the Classic bound Whalers!!! The Queen just continues to impress his girl in the stands. He makes teams wish he was back with the Sharks so they can hate him.
Sharks vs. Saints – The Sharks tied the game with a few minutes left. The game started with the Sharks controlling and looking like they planned to score 10 goals. Flounder and the Saints defense held on for the 10 minute beat down. PaPa Roach joined the bench and got the team organized and lines set. From that point on, it was an even affair. Both goalies put on a show, forwards from both teams crashed the nets but in the end, each team only scored 2.
Now, for those have heard the rumor, the Press will confirm it. With the new rule requiring each team to have all players take a turn, the Sharks Art Riccio pointed out JC of the Saints needed to go and had his team yelling for JC. We can confirm the following:
1) JC did in fact score. Even his team was shocked!
2) Doc was left twisted and down.
3) The King rushed out, could tears be in his eyes for JC?
4) Jay Parker called his office to fix Doc’s back (Jay is a class act).
5) Oliveira's called to let the Sharks know, Crow is on the menu.
Stingers vs. Toros – This game was close in scoring and physical contact. We had Goldie (a Hacksaw student of polite hockey) raising his stick to help Holmes get a closer shave. While this happened in the corner hidden behind the referees, the refs did turn in time to catch Holmes protecting himself and looking for “I am sorry” from Goldie. With not even a sad look from Goldie, Holmes reached into his Red Bull training and let the heavy Goldie know, “I might smile, I might be thinner, but I will not use your brand of razor to shave”….this of course got him lead to the box, with his instructor Red Bull ready to jump into the box and point out the rookies mistakes in the corner. After the game, we asked Flower Child about how his team is dealing with everyone one calling them out on penalties, again…”we have ordered new sticks this week so we can break a few”…not sure what he meant by that. But we do know, during the Stingers Tuesday practices, Dan Murray is getting time roughing players in front of the net.
Red Bull 4 – Smiley Holmes 4 - Zucarelli -4 ---- Hacksaw is not on the list, but Dan Murray does lead the Stingers with 3
In case you missed this week actions between the Stingers and Toros, Red Bull had a few understudies on the ice. Holmes and Dan Murray. While Holmes was enjoying his timeout break, Red Bull joined him in the box to discuss with the rookie how to impress people once he is given misconduct. While at the other end, Dan Murray is called for roughing, and it was on Red Bull. You could clearly see Dan asking Red Bull for how he would rate him in style points for his take down. After the game, we asked Red Bull how he felt about these rookies looking up to him. “Let’s all remember, I took years to get my rep, these rookies, well, let them enjoy the few seconds of glory they seek.”
Hal with some breaking news:
This is Holmes best half after he got misconduct! No audio available, but a reporter did catch the following -
“I told you hanging around with Red Bull was bad, a misconduct, wait until you get home mister, I’ll show you misconduct, and no hockey on Tuesday for you, your grounded”
Yes dear. I had fruit for breakfast.
Monday, March 3rd, 11:27 am
Another Stella Weekend full of fun and games:
Ok lets begin with the Legends activity:
The Whalers picked up a couple of critical points as they overpowered a very difficult and short-benched Crusader team by a score of 3-1. Whalers really had the advantage all game long, but the stubborn Purplemen were just as strong in defending their net. Long story short... really good game that could have easily gone the other way. This could be a snapshot of the Championship game later this year.
Anything exciting in the game? Naaah. Not too many penalties, no shootout issues, #6 didn’t fall down... oh, there was a common thread on the Purple bench: seems like Beeber continues to get on his, I’m sorry I meant the teams’ players as they were out played all night. chill out Beeb. The Beeb took a couple of strong collisions late in the game that seemed to get under his collar, but we all have to realize that most of us really don’t know which way we are going and sometimes we jag when we mean to jig. I’d like to think these recent collisions were of that kind and not intentional. Likely so.
We couldn’t help but notice Mr. Beeb plead his case to the men in stripes after the game... All we could hear was the Head Linesman say: “Games over, get to your lockerroom”. We couldn’t make out Beeb’s rebuttal, but we did hear him say something to the effect of “Have another donut you fat fuck”.
Wow, harsh words indeed. Doesn’t bode well for Beeb the next time he’s on the ice with that ref. Yikes.
Anyway, the Whalers are now tied for the league lead with the new and improved Crusaders. Good to see the past season cellar dwellars finally putting together. (or at least they think so).
In other action, the Saints and Sharks skated to a 2-2 tie. Another good battle between 2 strong teams. We couldn’t help but notice that it did get a little rough as both teams were caught roughing.
Perhaps Papa Roches team would have played better if they stayed home over the weekend and not take a team roadtrip to the powdery north.
Oh, good to see Mama Roche in the stands... we hear the big day is coming up soon. Congrats.
The final game saw the lightning fast Stingers beat on the we-used-to-be fast Toros 4-2. You can tell that the Bees are skating well by just looking at the box score which finds the Toros being called for a shitload of “fat guy” penalties which typically indicates that one team is out skating another... slashing, cross checking etc.
Let me get to the faxes which are pouring in... and I will report back to you later...
Sunday, March 2nd, 6:22 pm
Here we go again:
Power Rankings: Division A playoff Teams
1. Whalers - Move them up to the classics, no mercy on their foes
2. Sharks – You called up the reinforcements and now you could repeat.
3. Crusaders- No need to change your rank, who did you really beat this week.
4. Stingers – The new Jekyll and Hyde of the league, who are you really?
Division don’t matter teams
5. Torso – So you can score more goals then the Saints, big deal.
6. Saints – Saints of old, everyone knows it a win when they play you.
This week’s games:
Whalers vs. Crusaders – Best game of the week, now which team wants the win? Pick ‘em !!!
Sharks vs. Saints – Sharks are on a roll, Saints just buying time. Sharks by 6
Stingers vs. Torso – Torso have the players to make a game of it, but in the end, Stingers by 2
Before we get into the recap, the press has been asked to point speak on some things….yes, we do get asked.
The Stingers Dan Murray has brought it to our attention, the Toros are the #1 team in penalties, just so everyone knows, Dan took the time over 3 days to create detailed excel sheets to prove his point. We just wonder why? We want to point out, the spread sheets show he is tied with Hacksaw for the team lead in penalties and just 1 behind Red Bull the league lead.
For those who missed the live action, you need to watch the 2nd period, an unknown Legend Player drop his stick, now, you ask, why is this important? Well we will give the rest of the story after we give you something’s to think about. After the player drop his stick, his choices were (1) Pick it up, if he could bend at the waist. (2) The stick was broken and should be left on the ice. (3) Have someone fetch is stick for him. Well, the outcome was simple. He left his stick because he could not pick it up. Who was the player? FMB who, if he can’t bend at the waist, should be moved to the Relics!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The final request we had was to ask about the Relics. Players have been asking who is missing or not invited to the OLD FART Relics.
The King will be coming back as a goalie. Who will be his back up? Could Flounder be next?
#2 or #6 (3 times the S……) has avoided being downgraded by being nice to the King. But we have to be honest, he has been kissing the ice since he is not allowed to use his walking stick. The Relics will allow training wheels.
What about the beer guys, how can the Relics have locker room bonding without them? Down should come PaPa Roach.
The Relics need some enforcers too. Hacksaw and Red Bull could handle the old guys, but let’s not forget, Dan Murray will be free to hold the title for the Stingers then.
Now Flower Child (Pete T) should be traded so he could be a little love to his fellow teammates.
We will update you all as we uncover players who should be Relics and those who are skipping out because they kiss up to the powers. Shoot the puck hides nothing.
Recapping last week:
Saints vs. Whalers – Saints with a short bench played well for 2 periods, but they forgot this new session teams play 3 periods. Whalers just put it to the Saints, we tried to interview a Saint after the game, but none where standing. The highlight film will pay tribute to Lank, he made a great block which any quarterback in the NFL would as he flatten a poor Saint. Not to be out done, #6 was called for high sticking, now, just cause Little Irish was getting around you, granted the stick was waist high, but Little Irish made the best of it to get you called for high sticking his forehead. Don’t you love the short guys!!!!
Crusaders vs. Toros – Read the about game. Well, we can tell you all, if you did not know it, Beeber had a 5 point night. Talk about all about me, with his ego after the game, several players started to wonder, is he going to the Classics? We can tell you this, when asked, no Classic team returned the calls. So looks like the Crusaders are stuck with “all about me”. Not much to say…game was over early.
NEWS FLASH :::: Steve O’Mara was back in the booth, what can be said about his humor, his style. It is old. Amazing to see him clean shaven, his GRAY hair trimmed. You would think he was looking to become a class act, or just kissing up the King to keep him out of the Relics should he return!!!!!!!!
Sharks vs. Stingers – my o my, who woke up the Sharks, a full bench, buzzing the net, and the Stingers not playing like the bad boys. Game was pass this reporters bed time, so based upon the emails I got we know the following: Stingers trying to lose the bad boy image failed to get a penalty, which allowed the Sharks to rule the front of the net. Sharks asked Hinchey to change his red whistle. FMB is not able to pick up his stick? Does he even have the hands to hold his stick?
Please keep your emails coming, the Press enjoys hearing all the crying, complaining, the why am I not mentioned complaints. Ask me, do I care?
Wednesday, February 26th, 6:34 pm
Here we go again:
Well its time to start
spreading rumors, I mean, lets talk about the upcoming Relics Draft.
Monday, February 24th, 12:13 pm
Here we go again:
Last nights action saw the Whalers tune up the Saints by a score of 6-1. Believe it or not, this was a very close game until halfway into the third period. Seriously. With the score tied 1-1, the Whalers just seemed to click and by rapid fire scored a shitload on Flounder. He really never had a chance. Not sure what was in the water, but the Green and white scored a shitload for the second game in a row... go figure. And, oh yes, Mini-King held up his end by almost pitching a shutout.
The Saints played very well, but perhaps (for once) ran out of steam.
#6 did his best impression of a Zamboni just 6 seconds into the game. go figure, again. He sux.
The second game saw the New and Improved Crusaders spanked the Toros 6-3 with Beeber accounting for 5 of the 6 goals in one way or another. Another good game to watch. The Toros were missing Red Bull but not sure he would have made a difference in this one as the men in purple continue to pounce on the competition this season. Its about time as they have been getting the short end for quite some time.
Final game, yawn, saw the Sharks shut out the Stingers 3-0. Who woulda thought? The Stingers have been the winningest team over the past 4 seasons, but something is in the water that is bringing them back to earth. They still have a respectable record, so don’t count them out yet.
Sunday, February 23rd, 11:48 am
Power Rankings: 3rd week of a new #1
1. Whalers – No one wants to play this team, they are just rolling over other teams now, time to move them up to the classics.
2. Stingers – Let’s be honest, you got the lecture, stop sandbagging, but you are not a match for the Whalers.
3. Crusaders- you got a chance to play up to your abilities and you folded.
4. Sharks – Not sure who the big sandbaggers are!!! Remember, it is called shot the puck. Lose again and you will drop again in the ranking.
5. Toros – So you came back on the Saints, who has not done it already.
6. Saints – Now you add bad penalties to your team record books, old Saints are making a comeback.
This week’s games:
Saints vs. Whalers – If the Saints come to play, they can keep the game within 3, Whalers defense is out for another record on shutting out teams again. Saints are a good place to start with.
Crusaders vs. Toros – Toro’s don’t fear the Crusaders, high scoring (over under is 10), Toros have no pressure, Crusaders need to worry, teams don’t respect them. Toro’s by 1
Sharks vs. Stingers – Excellent prime time game!!!! Has Doc’s twisted neck from 2 weeks ago healed? His fill-in lost 7 pounds of water (sweat) last week from all the shots he saw. Will the Sharks stop skating backwards? Too much show time pressure for the Sharks, Stingers by 3. Where is FMB and his pals?
Recapping last week:
Hats of the league, good to see new people taking shoot-outs….
Has anyone seem the new chairs in the locker room from the league?
Crusaders vs. Stingers – Who let the bees swam!!! 6 minutes to go and the arrogant Crusaders let the bees just come at them, no challenge, counting it as a win. Again, up by 2 and next thing you see, bees, bees and more bees, just scoring at will. We got up with Flower Child for his comment on the final score, the comeback, Pete T responded “This is why we run up the score, cause we are #1”. Sounds like he has an ego!!!!
Whalers vs. Sharks – Doc’s replacement this week ended the game with the same twisted neck Doc had the week before. The Sharks could only play to end the Queens streak (wait, was he the MVP you tossed?) The Sharks put on for a second week a show of how to skate backwards and how to not block shots!!! The Whalers, thanks to #6, watched film from the Crusaders beat down the week before. We ask the Queen how he felt giving up the streak with 2 minutes left. “I am human, besides, they need to leave with some respect”. Ouch, do we detect anger over the trade…Sharks have a need to figure out, how do you get the puck over the red line. But the game was about how the Whalers are just starting to peak as a unit.
Toros vs. Saints - Toros came back from 2 down to tie. The Saints got called for to many fat guys on the ice. Seems the guy in the penalty box did not step on the ice before the fat guy jumped over the boards. Saints gave up the tying goal. Game was a 3 on a 10 scale of excitement. Interesting to see Red Bull show up 10 minutes late, and playing defense. How do we know, cause he got a penalty!!!
Penalty of the night goes to Mike Martin, not even listed on the score recap. The Hawaiian Pig (Ed Norton) was skating into his zone facing his goalie when Mr. Martin gave him a slash from behind, why do we call this the penalty of the night? The Hawaiian Pig was nowhere near the puck. Then Mr. Martin gets into Ed’s face after the call. We have to ask, did the Hawaiian Pig take the ice out of Martin’s beer bag to be slashed from behind? FYI, Stingers still leading with the most team penalties, now they have Dan Murray
Monday, February 17th, 6:26 pm
Editors Note: Maybe the New Sharks/Rangers players could have done their team a favor and skipped a step and gone directly from the Classics to the Relics?!!!! 10 goals against and 1 goal for in 2 games.... Really?
Monday, February 17th, 10:26 am
Well, its over
The big hype over “mini-King” securing the longest time not scored upon streak it over. Phew. Its done. (by the way, it was something like 11.245 periods, or 218.4 minutes, or whateva... if you are really counting).
What does go unnoticed is the fact that the Offense is backchecking and the Defense is playing defense... if they are not sprawled out on the ice. So, “mini-man”, the streak would likely have gone on for another game or 2 but it seems as though you had to be taught a simple lesson.... ITS NOT ALL ABOUT YOU!. Ok, ok, we know you came from the (dry) Sharks and that you were the backup for a long time, but that doesn’t mean that when you get traded that you are the new King on your team. Hmmm, do you really think Valenti scored by accident? Lets let you think about this for a bit.
During his interview after the game he was asked if he thought the Defense helped out a little bit during his streak; which he replied “Heck no. If they want to put the pads on, by all means go for it! Plus, if #6 would spend less time on the ice (literally) we may have been able to keep the streak going”.
We reached out to #6 for his comment and he said “No comment”.
Are you kidding? #6 has nothing to say? Bull shit.
Nonetheless, the Whalers woke up last night and pounced the Sharks 5-1.... a very good game that found the Sharks back on their heels a bit (don’t worry, we’ve all been there). A pretty clean game and pretty good scoring chances for both teams, but the Whale just put it together tonight.
For once, the Sharks seemed like the ones out of water... but have no fear, we think they’ll be back.
Oh, as for the Newby’s on the Whalers... and especially those who aren’t showing up for games this year... remember, we still have your purchase receipt and don’t think we won’t return your ass back to Fire Marshall Bill.
You’ve been warned.
More on the other games in a bit.
(ok, we buckled here... Congrats to Barry on his shutout record).
Alright, now in the other game of the night we saw the league leading (yes, we said it.. league leading) Crusaders stave off the fast and furious Stingers in what we thought would be the game of the night. This game did not disappoint us. The Crusaders came out fast and spanking. They ran up a lead of 4-2 into the third period until, yup, wait for it, the big collapse. Ugh. They lost in a final score of 5-4. Ouch. Lets chock this one up to “we got tired in the third period” Hey, it happens... more often than not.
So, the Stingers regain their place in First with the men in purple a close second. We think these two teams will face off again and it should also be a good one to watch... that is, if there is a good game to watch in our division.
Finally, the Toros and Saints skated to a 3-3 tie. Ho Hummm. Cap’tn Rochey was on his honeymoon up in Northern Maine (taking her on a fishing derby... oooooohhhhhh big spender). So, in his absence, his team collapsed and seemed out of sync. Sure the big fella was there. No, not Wooky but the Herman Munster guy that plays forward and the one you cant fuckin get out of the way because he is so fuckin large. (not Legends player large, but big large). You know him, the guy that can’t get away for a weekend because “his aunt is coming in from Canada” and I have to stick around show her around Pembroke. OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH. Sorry, too much info?
Anyway, we see that JC is still hanging around, doing what he does best.
We see that Red Bull has stopped his scoring streak at 2 games, but has kept up his penalty streak which is now at 17 games. Also, the Sisters continue to get in the act, with 2 goals, and assist and 2 penalties between them.
Oops, time to watch the Sochi games... did anyone notice Chaz Bono sitting behind the USA women’s hockey team bench today? It must have been him/her because he missed his game Sunday.
Friday, February 14th, 6:11 pm
Changes in the power rankings:
1 Crusaders – you took on the Shark/Ranger less short bench and put it to them.
2 Stingers – So you beat a dead team, you enjoy running up the score.
3 Sharks – time to give into the Shark/Ranger demands.
4 Whalers– when you can put it to the lower teams, then we look to move you up.
5 Toros – you have heart, but not the skill to win the big one.
Wait, we missed a team!!!
6 Saints- new theme song “Yesterday, I was winner, now that seems so far away”. Relic’s division material.
This week's games:
Crusaders vs. Stingers – Big game, time for the boys to get nasty. Who survives the physical beat down, the stick slashing behind the play? If Santa Clause sees the puck, look for the Crusaders by 2. If Hacksaw and Tom Williams get away with hitting from behind (ooo, back checking), the Stingers will wear down the Crusader forwards. Still look for the Crusaders by 2.
Whalers vs. Sharks – If the Shark/Rangers play, it will be Sharks by 1. But should the Shark/Rangers hold out for better contracts, Whalers by 2. The Queen is under pressure to set the shut out record. Look for more STN’s then shots on net.
Toros vs. Saints – Saints have no spark in this game. Look for the Saints to continue with losing streak. Toros by as many goals you want. Over under scored by Toros is 5.
Last week's games:
Stingers vs. Saints - Let’s give out our first assault award to Tom Williams. During the 2nd period he was called for “checking” on a goalie. Flounder was run over, hit, slashed and keep down by this assault weapon. The Stingers, in a need of a win and keeping the league team penalties where in a close contest with the Saints where this assault took place. It did take a toll as Flounder required several minutes to find himself. Game misconduct for a goalie take down was in order. Never the less, the Saints offense was offensive by all standards of a beer league. The Saints managed a few close in chances, but finishing was not in the cards for them. At least they played a clean game. Wait, is that Williams guy “bumping” into Saints players from behind? Yup, a graduate of Harry’s D school of Hits. The game was about how many breakaways the Stingers could perform tonight. When we asked Flounder which of the dozen 2 and 3 on none was he favorite tonight, his response was “It had to be the last one, up 3-0, the Stingers first line started the break out from inside their defensive blue line, getting behind our defense before they even left the zone, the Stingers bench yelling “run up the score”, it was great see how they came down with one purpose with 2 minutes left in the game. All about running up the score.”
Sharks vs. Crusaders - Lets sum this game up with this comment, we asked where the Shark/Rangers player where tonight? Seems they are holding out for better locker room sitting arrangements. We asked the Sharks management how they plan to deal with this strike!!! We are told off the record “look for those still on strike next week to be dressing in the parking lot!!!! “ As bad as the Saints look, the Sharks put up no fight this week. The Crusaders did everything to make the Sharks look good and yet still had to fight on the bench about not scoring too much. The Sharks could be heard discussing after the game, we had a short bench, the Rangers guys did not show (going forward, we will not label the Rangers; they have earned the name Shark). Bottom line is, just one game, but how does it feel? The week before you ran up the score, now you are on the other side!!!! It was want the press called in advance, a TKO.
Toros vs. Whalers – Toro’s came to play. They made the Whalers rethink; you are not as good as you think. Game had good action; Red Bull is getting use to being a forward, he got to kiss the ice a few times. The Queen is has been showing his MVP style this session. If only his forwards could find the net. It was a good game, but in terms of action, no one could finish tonight, even if they got out front of the net, alone!!! Let's call it like it is, the “Night of the Goalie”. During the shootout, we have to say, Colella, who made some nice figure skater moves earlier in the game, provided the best shot in the shootout, he made nice clank on the outside of the post. When asked how he missed, Colella commented “If Danny (Origami) I would have made the shot!!!! Mmm, I guess the goalie (Space Cadet) who has given up the most goals so far this session 3.17 per game made him nervous.
Editors Notes – 4 goalies on their game, 4 shut outs. Yet 9 goals were scored this week!! Is that a record? FYI, did you notice, the 6 legends goalies have a lower GAA then the Classics best goalie!!! Are our goalies better or just Legend players forget to shoot the puck?
Monday, February 10th, 7:46 pm
Point of Clarification (again) on Shootouts
Each team is to rotate their shootout players. One player cannot repeat as shootout player until everyone on the team (except goalies) has had a chance. No exceptions.
The players numbers are recorded on the score sheet and are managed by the honor system... seriously. Some teams had been using the same players all the time. The spirit of the league is for all teams to let everyone take a shot. Only in the playoffs does it go beyond 3 shots but we would be open to discussing that more…
For those of you who have not respected this rule... shame, shame, shame. Let it go. You are not going to make it beyond the Legends League on Sunday nights. Get over it. Act like a Fat White Guy that you really are. (like the rest of us).
Monday, February 10th, 10:35 am
Hmmm, What the F just happened?
Last nights games were funcky to say the least. First off, the Stingers finally woke up and trounced the Saints 4-0. Are you kidding me? Not to say the Bumble Bees are not that good (they are), but the Saints really aren’t that bad to lose by this margin. Ok, ok, so they had a bad game... it happens. So lets give credit to the Bee’s for the victory and lets not lambase the Saints, yet. Papa Roche’s team is good... but not tonight.
Second game saw a rematch of the Whalers and Toros where the T’s beat the living crap out of them in the first week of the season... So, what happened tonight?
Well, the game was close... too close that it ended in a tie 0-0... and, the overtime wasn’t much better as neither team could score. Final was 0-0. The game got a bit chippy toward the end but no blood was shed. (just ego’s hurt).
Good to see #6 continue to lead the way in “Fall Downs”, as he recorded another 3 1/2 tonight. This brings his league leading total to 47... or 5.7 per game.
Observation: it is apparent that the Whalers have figured out the defensive part of the game as they recorded their 3rd straight shutout, but also lead the league in NOT PUTTING THE PUCK IN THE NET. Sure, they have their share of WTF’s, and shots over the net... (go figure), but pulllleeeeeze... can’t you score at all?
Last game saw the oh-so-ugly Crusaders beat the living snot out of the defending champ Sharks 5-0. WTF again!
Not sure we want to delve into the reasoning behind this but lets just say that the ex-Rangers decided not to show and that their other team mates decided not to show either. Geez....
Friday, February 7th, 12:39 pm
A little bit of frontier justice advice in response to part of last weeks game review:
As far as the penalties, seem like Abdul continues his hacking ways as he instigated 4 penalties last night. Not that he had to serve any, but the retaliatory players got called on all of them.
Advice: do not retaliate, just make a wing to wing pass or a long outlet pass that accidentally ends up going into their bench.
Friday, February 7th, 12:37 pm
This Weeks Action...
Sharks VS. Crusaders: Are the Crusaders contenders or pretenders? Can the Sharks D keep the physical Crusader forwards away from Doc? Can the Crusaders D make that first outlet pass to start the transition game or will the relentless Shark forecheck keep them trapped deep in their zone. Will the Sharks continue the offensive onslaught they whipped the Toros with last week or will the game stay close so the league will keep believing the division is actually up for grabs. Crusaders out to prove they are back and here to stay. Hungry Crusaders by 2
Stingers VS Saints: Do we have two perennial power teams facing off or is this game to decide which team is fading into obscurity first. Will the hold em, choke em, whack em Stingers try to assault the Saints with their intimidating style or will the Saints just brush them off and run up the score. Will the Saints forward lines be able to push the Stingers D around it their own end. Will the Stingers be able to create offense now that Scott Kelly is up with the big boys and Joe Murray was last seen when Foosball was playing. Stingers have asked for permission to have the lyrics to the song changed to "Where have you gone Joe Murray" Saints intend to send a message to the Stingers, you can fight it out for fourth place your time has passed. Saints by 3
Whalers VS Toros: Ahh the Whalers have long memories they have not forgotten how all those teams kicked them when they were wallowing in the basement with no one on their bench and no chance to win a game. Well...this isn't that old Whaler squad anymore, with a jump in their step and a MVP in the net look for the Whalers to bust out big time this Sunday with some old fashioned payback. Not even Redbull with his illegal HGH supplements will be able to slow this bunch of Whalers down. Toros in need of a rebuild they are taking out a help wanted ad for defenseman, better get used to that view from the basement Toros hope that FMB takes notice. Whalers in a rout. Brass Bonanza is now playing on all the Whalers electronic devices. Whalers by 4 this is the week the Whale puts it all together
Friday, February 7th, 12:37 pm
1. Sharks – so why do you have all those new Rangers if the old Sharks can score? You did want great teams do, run up the score on lower level teams.
2. Whalers – the cream is rising to the top, you are bonding as a team.
3. Stingers- how the once good is folding with the pressure, but you are still in the playoffs.
4. Crusaders – if you can win over the bottom teams without a shootout, Stingers would have to worry.
5. Saints – time to see about finishing 500 for the season.
6. Toros – Are Brinkman and Ward looking to retire? When was the last time they scored?
This week’s games: Look for a record number of goals and penalties this week.
Stingers vs. Saints – If the Saints come to play, a close game, tie. If the Stingers come to play, Stingers by 3 !!!!
Sharks vs. Crusaders – rock and roll game, game is dedicated to "Harry". Look for physical contact both ways and the “RED” whistle being silent. WWE and RAW. 6 penalties at least. Crusaders by 2, Sharks suffer a TKO!!!!
Toros vs. Whalers – the Toro’s are still looking for the “LOOK”, but still missing something. Whalers just too hungry for beef to slow down. Whalers by 5, yup 5.
Recapping last week:
Whalers vs. Stingers – So Swifty and Flagg purchased front row seats for this game….wait, the penalty box is front row, but you get there being a bad boy, when did Swifty go bad boy? Could this be a warm up for next week’s game with the Sharks? Then again, it was Super Bowl weekend, did they have a TV in the box to watch the commercials? Not to be out done, the Stingers keep the league lead with 3 more team penalties. While the action was fast, the Whalers keep the Stingers on their heels most of the night. With 5 Whalers in the box, the Stingers could not match the desire to win from this new look Whalers!!!! But then again, the sandbagging Stingers have played with everyone before making the late season run. The Queen, after taking it to his old team, looks like his game is back as the Stingers took a lot of STN's while hoping he came out of the net. In the end, the Whalers found a way around Honey Bee. Did #6 have new contacts? Eye contacts, cause he was having a lot of close encounters of the third kind!!!!
Sharks vs. Toro's - Doc looked good as the old pre-Rangers Sharks come to score. The Sharks got all the bounces while the Toro's made Doc look good with several shots off his chest. On the subject of chests, Red Bull looked good at forward, you could see him make several good plays and pounding on his chest too, "ME POWER FORWARD", now if he could skate back to the red line. The Morgan line came to play, making several good attempts and scoring on a few. But the night belonged to the "RUNNING UP THE SCORE" old time Sharks. Yes, the Shark/Rangers did help too. Some would say "Sharks looking to be hated"….Naw, we think it is the new Rangers who have brought the attitude…"Run it UP!!!!"
Saints vs. Crusaders - great game, new blood against the old and tired. The Crusaders scored with under 4 minutes to go taking a 2-1 lead. The old experienced Saints came to life as they have in the past, scoring within a minute to push the game to overtime. Now, will someone explain to me how you do a STN in overtime? PaPa Roach claimed he was looking to put it under the cross bar!!!! All we say is, hang a beer can under it and PaPa will hit it. The Saints have seen Flounder elevate his game this session, but have left him out there when the game is close and failed to score for him.
NOTE TO THE LEAGUE: On the team stats page, you should include a column and mark if someone has taken a shootout turn. It seems like we will in the future have some OT games and not everyone plays fair!!! What happens if someone doubles up?
Monday, February 3rd, 7:31 am
And the Results are.........
Seems as though the teams in the league have begun to either wake up or fall asleep earlier this season...
The cellar dweller Whalers continue their winning by tying the Stingers 0-0, but won in overtime 1-0. This was a good, fast paced game but had an awful lot of penalties and hard hits.
Lets start with the hits... #6 took a couple of shots that landed him on the ice and seeing stars. Questioned on the bench about it he replied “are the Patriots winning?”. Not good, but he continued his slow play the remainder of the game... that is until he tried to take down Mr. Murray later in the game. Get a room. A hospital room.
Goes to show ya that #6 will be a plus 4 in the falls per game category.
As far as the penalties, seem like Abdul continues his hacking ways as he instigated 4 penalties last night. Not that he had to serve any, but the retaliatory players got called on all of them. Word out to the other teams, Abdul is out to hack you to death. Solution: get to him first.
Oh, despite all the player personnel changes for the Whalers, they have yet to score more than 1 goal per game ... WTF? Seems the defense and goaltending continues to be solid... now, what about the OFFENSE!!!!!
Sharks 6, Toros 2
Sharks (ex-Rangers) picked up where they left off last season by wholloping the Toros in this one. Kinda good game to watch as they went back and forth, but only that the Sharks were able to put the puck past the goalie. FMB picked up the winning goal and the Colonel picked up a point in the assist column. Couldn’t help but see 3 roughing calls during the game... hmmmmm, is the league turning into the Masters (without the speed, of course)?
Crusaders beat the Saints in overtime 3-2.
Good to see the men in purple continue their winning, especially since they have been submersed below the winning line forever. Mr. Nate was a factor in all 3 goals as he picked up 2 scores and an assist. Ron Jeremy picked up the other goals; that is, when he wasn’t starring in his his porn movies.
Saturday, February 1st, 7:05 pm
If the new and improved Whale is going to make it's push and possibly finish first this season it starts tonight, the other legends games tonight are simply milk toast compared to the anticipation of the Whaler Stinger game.
Saints Vs Crusaders.. Two teams destined for the middle of the pack, some flash, some sizzle but no fire
Sharks Vs Toros.. The 100 skaters on the Sharks bench have no idea who is skating with who, too many bodies coming in and going out, need to move a few to the Relics, too old, too slow didn't have it years ago certainly don't have it now, Toros just pretenders for now not enough depth to make a serious run
Stingers Vs Whalers... Leagues former power team playing against the team that wants to become the new power team, Whale seem to have it all solid goaltending, deep lines, solid defense. Stingers may be heard saying hey that's who we used to be.
Last week the Whales were skating around semi stationary cones, this week they will lean on you, hack you, and attack you all you can do is hope the fisherman doesn't breathe on you. Very big game to start he second 1/4 of the season. Remember last seasons Sharks started 0 - 3 then went to 3 - 5 before putting it together. This game is what the Whalers need to start their roll, always feels good knocking off the Stingers
Friday, January 31st, 7:05 pm
Changes in the power rankings:
1 Sharks – other than Doc having bed time issues after 10pm, the Sharks just keep on rolling.
2 Stingers – moving up now that you put your crying towels away.
3 Whalers – big jump up, you show you can play with the BIG boys now.
4 Crusaders – you had your chance to take first, but you folded with the pressure.
5 Saints – you move up because you show you can stay with the better teams when short-handed.
6 Toros- stop the experiment; Red Bull has to be a forward.
This week's games:
Whalers vs. Stingers – Whalers will plant the Rope-in-nator in front of Honey Bee, Hacksaw will be a pussy cat when the Rope-in-nator is in the area. Whalers by 2.
Sharks vs. Toros – Will Red Bull play forward, Holmes and Colella can play some defense for a change. The Shark/Rangers have been quiet, in fact too quiet. Early game, Doc will be fine. Look for the Sharks by 2, and Red Bull to be plus 8.
Saints vs. Crusaders – Crusaders have the one good line of Burke, Donavan and Beeber. Hanks has gone cold, Adam the new guy is fast but no shooting skills. Saints will be back to full defense for the first time this session. Saints by 1, Flounders could post his 3rd shutout.
Let’s talk about a rule change for the Legends: when awarded a penalty, teams still have to skate 5 on 5; just the team with the penalty cannot score. At least this way no legend team will continue to embarrass itself on thinking they know what a power play is.
Last week's games: did you know, all 3 teams on the bottom of the standings WON !!!! The only team not to move up or stay the same was the downward falling Toros !!!
FYI, Toros win 2 with Red Bull as a POWER FORWARD; lose 2 with Red Bull on defense.
Toros vs. Stingers –So the game had some interesting results. The Captain Morgan line has been in a dry state for a while now (missing Red Bull) so tonight was the same old story for the Morgan line, just a lot of SNT (bring Red Bull back). Meanwhile the fans are wondering, will Steve Colella ever cross the offensive blue line again. We could tell he is lost on defense and should go back to a forward. For this game, zero shots, zero keeping the puck in the offensive zone, just zero (maybe his is looking for a relics spot?). Back to the game. It was back and forth, the Stingers got first blood (oops, I meant drew first blood). Did you notice the Stingers penalties went to forwards? Stingers are spreading the box time around. The best part of the game was after the Toros pull Space Cadet for the famous 6th skater!!! Now what was interest was the crazy Russia (Chris Poudrier) looking to score an empty netter (why? Your team was up by 2 with under a minute to go!!!) Came crashing down on the Toro’s defense. Come now, you need points so bad you have to grid away at the end of the game. We asked Flower Child why the need to run up the score, his comments was “Valenti of Sharks can show class, my guys enjoy running up the score” Wow, to think the Stingers where once SCHL feel the loved team.
Saints vs. Sharks – This game was even closer than the score hints at. The Sharks scored 10 seconds into a power play. The Saints came back 2 minutes later. The Sharks scored again and the Saints came back 2 minutes later…excitement. But in the 3rd period, very late, the Sharks pressed and Flounder was on his game until the usual Saints play of someone redirecting the puck by him. Flounder is working hard but not even his best can stop a redirect. FMB and his Shark/Rangers where no were to be found this game. Seems the Saints keyed on them. The Saints did play a close game, but they were missing a few defensemen. No excuse, a good team overcomes. Hey, did you see it, Hinchey has a red whistle. It is labeled, use only when the Sharks are playing. Mmm, we always wondered why he loved the red one.
The Sharks did make one effort to recall a Saints goal, they could not believe Paul Murphy could shot from the blue line, get it under the cross-bar. Had to be a Saint deflected it with a high stick, sorry guys, little Irish was not on the ice. Mmm, we did notice the score sheet, unassisted… (Wonder how it got to the point?). The prettiest goal of the night has to Graham Cracker. Mike Ryan made a pass (STN in disguise) and Graham Cracker one timed it into the net so fast (possible slap shot) that Doc was still looking at Ryan when it bounced out from behind him…great save on the puck coming out of the net.
Crusaders vs. Whalers – the best way to put this game is “if I let you have your way, will you respect me in the morning!!” How many times have we said that and still done it our way….???? This game had the Queen so bored in net; he got more looks at his gal pal then the Crusaders made shots (we counted 8, 2 maybe the Queen had to move for!!! The Whalers controlled every part of the game. We thought we heard the Whalers singing “Who’s your daddy”. The Rober- in-nator was in full swing tonight. On the 3rd goal, his assist is want legends are made from. On a 3-1 play, Rober-in-nator made a full dive to redirect a puck leading to a goal by Mackin. But we do wonder, was Santa Clause looking at the shot or the Rober-in-nator sliding towards him? The Crusaders could not make a pass to each other without at least giving a Whaler player a touch!!!! Who’s your daddy? Meanwhile, Beeber as a forward now has as more penalties then Hacksaw and tied with Red Bull. Another way to put this game, the Crusaders forgot the game is played on ice. Whalers singing “Who’s your daddy”. First time to for the Queen with his new team as he got a shutout for his new team, moving the Whalers to within 2 points of first place (still in last place).
Foot note to the league: The Whalers where using the F work way to much during the game. While it is a beer league of sorts, using the F word all night just does not sit well with others teams. Please bring it to the attention of team captains. Using the F word (FUN) during the game is a sign of disrespect. Then again, the Whalers where having fun.
Final comment – if Rober was the player of the game, why did the Queen get interviewed?
FOOT NOTE: 2 weeks in a row where sharks did not get 2 assists on every goal! The Rockland press will have a field reporter look into why the Sharks are not getting the max assists on each goal for a record breaking 2 games.
Monday, January 27th, 8:50 am
Great Games Last Night
The Whalers/Crusaders game was literally the game of the week...
We saw the league leading Crusaders(wow, haven’t said this in a long time... not since #2 had left) take on the cellar dweller Whalers, who have not only hadn’t won a game this season, but had the most off-season trades in league history! Finally the Fish have begun to figure out what to do with the puck. Shoot the Puck!!!!
And, according to the broadcast booth, the Whalers not only won the game but out shot the men in purple 30-9!
Hello, is anyone home? Can you hear me now? Did I read this right? Whalers have begun to shoot the puck on net?
Yup, and they shut out the league leaders 3-0.
Led by Superstar Chaz Rober (pronounced Robeer on the ice) who got the game winner but assisted on another goal as well.
More to come later... when the boss goes to lunch.
Ok, so the Whalers get their first win... don’t go out and buy championship apparel yet boys.
The Stingers got back into thier winning ways by beating up on the Toros 3-1. Nothing noteworthy here to note... oh wait, Hacksaw was shutout once again... a streak that now goes to 57 games... or 189 periods.
Also, we couldn’t help but notice that Red Bull continues to make his statement each week also in the box score... but not what he has been used to... He began the season with a bang - scoring at will, but has fallen off the scoreboard and has reverted to getting his name on the sheet by taking penalties. Hey, welcome to the club buddy.
Also, lets give Red Bull kudo’s on his new bar: www.HomeIceQuincy.com
Lastly, the Sharks beat the Saints 3-2. Only noteworthy thing in this game is that the Colonel made his season debut, coming off what was thought to be a career ending injury.
Welcome back Birdie!
Friday, January 25th, 6:54 pm
Here we go...
Power Rankings: some asked, where do we get the power rankings information? They do not match the standings. The ranking is done with several sources and input factors. We have the team, how players see the team. Strength of schedule, players who shows up, history of teams, home/away and of course, lots of email comments. So next time you wonder, just remember, who cares.
1 Sharks – who can match up with them? Best of the Rangers have to offer.
2 Crusaders – they are awake, clicking on beer cans, and they are the real deal this session
3 Stingers – once they get the Kelly tears out of their eyes they are back to form. In case anyone really cares, Stingers are #1 in penalties.
4 Toros – one bad game from Red Bull and you look tied..Or are the Brinkman sister to much of a distraction?
5 Whalers – you are better than your record, tell the Queen, beer is only for winning.
6 Saints – you look good, but can Flounder really put a string of wins together?
This week’s games:
Toros vs. Stingers: Stingers are back, Red Bull is focused on restaurant, and the Brinkman sisters have to decide who drinks and who drives home. Honey Bee is gearing up for tax season, look for the Stingers by 2
Saints vs. Sharks: Saints are looking for Flounder to carry them. Classic Rangers are ready to download some players. Look for the Shark Rangers currently there to wake up, the need to get the 2 assist average back up. Sharks by 3
Crusaders vs. Whalers – Crusaders are hot, but the Whalers are getting use to a full (plus) size bench. Look for a close game, Whalers in the shoot-out.
Last Week’s game.
Toros vs. Crusaders: Red Bull was out in space this week, focused on his restaurant. Crusaders with the younger legs just keep coming. Space Cadet was left hanging a few times and Santa Clause came to play once he got the lead.
Whalers vs. Saints: Flounder has 2 shut outs this season. Don’t look for that again. Whalers where searching for matchups all night. Best Clean game of the week.
Stingers vs. Sharks: Why was FMB the only Shark to get assists? Did the team think was going un-noticed? Did FMB have a clause in his contact where he gets all the glory in the West Coast game? This west coast game did expose DOC. Seems DOC goes to sleep at 10. Stingers played with some anger this time. FYI Stingers, a few weeks to late, the Sharks still have the cup.
Last nigMonday, January 20th, 8:10 am
Here we go...
Last nights games were a bit crazy... to begin with, the Crusaders handed the Toros their first loss of the season AND shut down Red Bull in his attempt to carry his point(s) per game streak. Although we did see that he made it in the box score with a penalty.
More later, boss just came in.
Ok... coast is clear. So, are the Crusaders for real this season? Sure hope so, as they have been the bottom feeders (no dig on Beeber) for awhile and it looks as though things might have turned. We’ll see.
As for the 2nd game, the new and improved Whalers are, well, not so new and improved. Seems that although the faces are different, the results have been the same as they dropped a close one to the Saints 1-0. It was a really good game though. Fast paced (well, as fast as it can be for the Legends).
Final game saw the Sharks and Stingers playing a pretty close one as well as the Stingers took it too them 4-2...
Editors Note: For the first time in League history both goals had only one assist... and it went to Fire Marshall Bill. Perhaps there is a clause in his contract that states that whenever he has an assist, that he must be the only one? Hmmm.... he really does run the league.
Wednesday, January 15th, 6:53 pm
Welcome back Lil’ Sis
Toros have placed Ray DeGaust on season ending injured reserve. Toros now welcome Frank Brinkman back to the team and a matchup with his Big Brother Paul. Good to see them playing together again.
Monday, January 13th, 11:33 am
So, you think your team is doing ok, hey?
Just when things in the league were begining to slant toward unfairness, FMB has pulled another wabbit from his behind... meaning, the teams are doing just fine in this early season.
Specifically, the Champion Sharks were tied by the long time cellar dweller Whalers last night 1-1. This was sweet revenge for the Queen as he sought sweet revenge on his old teammates. The game was very close right up until the end as the Sharks scored late in the 3rd period to force it into overtime.
There was a scary moment as Barny Fife (aka Mike V.) took another fall (that’s 2 in 2 games) and seemingly hurt his shoulder. Hope all is ok, but he may be looking for camera time... attention grabbing pig that he is (just kidding?).
Still, the Sharks will miss him if he is really injured.
Rumor mill has the Colonel coming back from the Physically Unable to Play (PUP) list for this game, but he was a no show.
The Whalers seem to be gelling together as they had bouts of great play, but once again... this doesn’t show up on the box score...SHOOT THE FRIGGIN’ PUCK.
The second game, and surprise of the night, came when the “almost as low as the Whalers” Crusades beat up on the Stingers 2-1. Yup, the men in purple won. Is this the beginning of the end for the yellow and black? Is this the curse of the Goldbino? We don’t think so. After all, it was over heard on the bench “Hey, its all I can do is play hard every shift”. WTF? We hope we didn’t quote him wrong. If the Stingers keep this up there may be another “winner” coming their way... and it rhymes with Buzzy.
Oh, Beeber got assists on both goals.
The final game was a slugfest.... where the Toros beat the Saints in OT 5-4. Good, fast, clean fun. Ok, so Red Bull continued his scoring streak as he picked up an assist. Oh, by the way, Red Bull’s new bar in Quincy is called Home Ice and can be reached at www.HomeIceQuincy.com (site not completely up yet). And his ownership takes place this Wednesday.
The Toros continue to win, as they are now undefeated in this early season. Go Bulls!
Oh, again we have to point out that the lone goal for the Sharks was assisted by 2 players...
They’ll be more to come later....
Friday, January 10th, 1:05 pm
Power Ranking: First week, did anything real change?
1)Sharks – Loaded, Doc has the advantage in the shootout, calls go their way.
2)Crusaders - move up 1 spot, show they can play with the top teams and Hanks is on a 3 game scoring streak.
3)Stingers – down 1, you had your protest game, time to act like a winner.
4)Toro’s – up 1, you took on 25 Whalers and you got the Red Bull scoring machine.
5)Whalers – you drop 1, you guys placed Adam on D, and any PAPA Roach summer camp player knows he is a forward. Why was your bench so quiet?
6)Saints – you got to show more than 1 win to show you are back, Stingers played in protest of losing Kelly.
Recap the Games:
Saints vs. Stingers – The Stinger started complaining before they opened the locker room door. Kelly is gone..Guess what guys, Kelly went to the Rangers for training to come back as a Shark, and the King still has jerseys with Kelly on the back. Not sure, but Goldie was very quiet on the bench, or at least he did not make as much noise as the crying Flower Child and his protesting players. All night you could see the Stingers lacked energy, yet they toyed with the Saints. Flounder was on his toes (belly actually) for this game. Flounder made a save on Wingate to start the game, it was such a save, and Wingate hooked the goalie stick and flipped it to the corner. This is how the Stingers have become the ugliest team in SCHL. To keep this theme going, the Saints late in the third period had a 3 on 1 when the Fisherman (Lemish) used his massive size to run straight at Chuck Ryan to break up the play. The laughable part was the expression on his face!!! What, he ran into me…guess the guy with the puck looks to run into defenseman. The game came down to a shootout. Goldie did have a STN for his new team. The Stingers where happy to get the 1 and the Saints had a least hope to win more than 4 games this season.
Whalers vs. Toros – First, welcome all the new guys. It was funny to see the new guys arrive with their white helmets, you think this is the wild west where the good guys where the white hat. The King will address this fast, quick and in a hurry. Maybe you should wait a week, and then the Sharks will know who the new guys are. Adam from the Papa Roach summer camp made the team, why is he playing defense? The fans enjoyed seeing the Whalers had a standing room only bench. It was pointed out, it was not the 25 players who showed up, more a case of 17 wide loads exceeding the bench design limits. The Queen took the ice after winning the MVP award just a week before, mmm, guess you enjoy the beverage too much. Future warning to Scott Kelly, when you come back to the Sharks (Rangers), you better enjoy imported water. As the Queen was getting ready, we ask him, do you have any comments about your new team, “Yes, I get the best seat in the locker room, I sit on the cooler”…mmm…does the future bride know about this? Heard she is cutting your beverages down? Four goals in the game require special attention. Rober made a laser shot that lost speed on the way towards the net so quick; Space Cadet lifted his stick before it arrived. The next two goals by Red Bull, yes Red Bull was playing forward, or more appropriate camped in front of the net, (who knew he had such talents). During Red Bulls “player of the game” interview, the child like glow on his face was priceless. He had his first two goal game. The Master Card moment came when SCHL Rule 17, Section 4, Paragraph 9, Line 3 was pointed out. “To keep the games closer, Empty Net Goals will not be recorded in the records of SCHL as to make it appear teams are running up the score: Effective January 1, 2014.” As of this report, Red Bull is still chasing the King and has filed a complaint for taking away his Hall of Fame night. Besides, we timed the empty net shot, it took the puck 3.2 seconds to travel 5 feet. We have to wonder, was Red Bull to close to get a STN? The fourth goal was a beauty by Wayne Murphy (not to be confused with the other 7 Murphy on the Toros’). Want is missing is the 3rd assist on the goal. The Queen, yes, the Queen came out 15 feet from the net, made a perfect clearing pass right on the stomach of Yates. Looks like the Queen thought it was pickup game because none of his defense was around at the time!!! Where is Goldie when you need him???
The Whalers did not get called for too many men on the bench or ice during the night. Not bad for a team with 17 players for the first time in 5 seasons. We need to point out a rule change needed for the Legends. With the Whalers down by 1, what looked like a goal was ruled no goal due to a kicking motion was actually the result of a player knowing the puck was at his feet and just moving his feet so he could get the 3 feet clearance he needed to see past his gut. Great game and shows the Whalers are back.
Crusaders vs. Sharks – We are happy to report Dana is fine from last reports. Dana and Beeber had a crash as both players turned for up ice action and resulted in a crash of major sound effects. Good to see Dana get up and return later in the game. Crusaders are back, losing a game with effort and having to deal with Shark karma. First we have the Fire Marshall goal. It was under Santa Clauses pad so long we thought it was part of ice. But wait, I did not know referees had ear pieces, you could see the referee raise his hand to cover his ear and then lower it and point as if it was a goal….wow, it was, Ranger FMB scored!!! Did Toronto make the call that fast? On the subject of hand movements, we know the King loves his Sharks, but in the last few minutes of a close game, raising your hand to signal icing from the bench does hint to Shark Karma as the call was made for icing. Just saying, it is in the eye of the beholder. The game ended with the shoot-out, Doc showed why he was the upgrade over the Queen. Not even close when Doc is in the shootout. Rangers to the rescue again.
Notes from week 1:
Crusaders tied for the lead in team penalties. (Of course the hacking Stingers are the other.)
Hanks has a 3 game scoring streak on the line. (His shot is top shelve over the left shoulder.)
Red Bull, (not a miss print) leading scorer in the Legend division. Will Brinkman play defense now?
Whalers had more players show up than any team. The roster now has 20 players. We did take a photo but were limited due to not bringing a wide, wide, wide angle lens.
The Sharks (Ranger) guys have all the goals for the Sharks. How long before Scott Kelly comes down!
Saints need more beverages to go with the cheese and crackers.
This week’s games:
Sharks vs. Whalers – interesting game, the new Whalers could offer a challenge, not to mention, the Queen will get to see his old team…did the Queen pay attention to how they played when he was there? Look for the Whalers to win by 1
Stingers vs. Crusaders – could the Stingers be on the way out? Stingers will not get the same breaks as the Sharks last week, Crusaders by 1 (Hanks with the game winner)
Saints vs. Toros – both teams have been equal in the past. Will Red Bull be playing forward? Have the Saints got an answer to Red Bull? If they do, Saints by 1, if not, Toro’s by 3
Tuesday, January 7th, 2:18 pm
Random, yet early, thoughts:
- Will Red Bull lead the league in scoring? (especially after his dynamic start last week)
- Will Chaz Bono continue his own scoring streak, and demand more respect for his secret abilities?
- Will #6 continue his “I haven’t fallen down recently” streak to 2 games?
- Do you think the Crusaders will kick it into top gear sooner than later? (We think so, as Burkey has made it back to the ice).
- Will the King make an appearance and come out of retirement?
- Who will take over for Harry the Hack as penalty leader?
Hmmm, one has to wonder... or not.
Monday, January 6th, 12:04 pm
In Case you didn’t notice...
What happened to the Whalers?
2 New Classic Division Defenseman and 4 goals against
1 New Classic Division forward only 2 goals for
1 Graduate of the Papa Roach # 6 fantasy camp not even on the stat sheet
No mouth that roared in the room or on the bench anymore
And last but certainly not least. Presidents Trophy winning goalie (lowest g.a.a.) not to mention Finals M.V.P. and the Whale is still on the losing end
What oh What is FMB to do????
Editors Note: Bring back fuzzy and golder-mayer.
Monday, January 6th, 9:45 am
We’re Back Baby!!!
Ahhh, the new season has begun and let’s see what we have for results.
To begin with, we have the perrennial Bridesmaids “Stingers” losing their first game to the Saints... well, they really tied them and then lost in the shutout... so we’ll give them that. The new and improved Bee’s picked up a blueline stallward in Goldie from the Whalers in the offseason and we shall see where that goes.
Meanwhile, the Saints really haven’t changed for 12 years now and still continue to put a quality product on the ice... despite having Lil’ Irish playing for them. (Ahhh, good to be back in the editors chair).
Captain Papa Roach said after the victory, “Yeah, we took at the free agent market and figured there really wasn’t much out there to speak of, so we just figured we’ll keep the same lineup and see what happens”. Asked what players he thought he would put on trade wires, Roach answered “nobody is safe. I get paid to put a quality product on the ice and if it means trading the whole team then so be it.” Good call Roachy, good call.
As for the second game, the Whalers kept up their losing ways despite having 40% of the players on the bench claimed off the trade wires. Rumor has it that they were really more interested in introducing themselves to each other than playing the game, which the Toros spanked them once again by the score of 4-2. Will the Whalers ever win again? Who knows, but certainly Fire Marshall Bill has stacked the roster in an attempt to help out.
Oh, a noteworthy observation... the Whalers locker room and on the bench was whisper quiet due to a certain big mouthed defensemen “quitting” on the team... “to take the season off”. Ahh, ok, if you believe that. Rumor has it that he was asked not to return... not by the league, but by his own conscience. Better for all of us.
Sorry, forgot to mention that Red Bull scored twice in the Toros victory.
Last game of the night saw the Crusaders take on the Champion Sharks. A very close game that ended in a tie, but the Sharks pulled it out in the shootout. Also want to note that it was a very physical game as well. An awful lot of players limping off the ice in this one. Is this the begining of a full check league?
More to come. Did I say it was nice to be back?
Sunday, January 5th, 3:11 pm
Power Ranking for the start of the 2014 Winter Season:
1. Sharks – 2013 Fall Champions – Trade MVP Queen for a classic Ranger goalie, just another step up.
2. Stingers – they lose one player, but this team is still loaded.
3. Crusaders – these guys are starting to gel as a unit, look for them to keep the upbeat tempo
4. Whalers – MVP goalie, change in player roster with 4 players gone and new classic players
5. Toros – same group, but still a good team with a strong scoring core.
6. Saints – have not won in a long time, getting back to their old days.
Let’s play a game of over/under for wins by a team. See if you agree.
Sharks – 10
Stingers – 9
Whalers – 8
Toros – 6
Saints – 4
This week’s coming games:
Saints vs. Stingers – Stingers by 4 as they need to prove they belong in the next title game, Saints lack the energy to compete
Whalers vs. Toros – Toro’s by 2 as the Whalers need to adjust to the new guys
Crusader vs. Sharks – Look for the Crusaders to make a game of it. Tie.